


it doesn’t matter

by consult_this_prick



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Acceptance, Coming Out, Love Confessions, M/M, Sherlock Loves John, Trans!John, becoming comfortable
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2019-10-29 21:10:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 30,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17815577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/consult_this_prick/pseuds/consult_this_prick
Summary: after two months of dating, john decides it is time to come out to sherlock. even if he loses the best relationship he has ever had.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this was written very quickly and i hope you all enjoy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, so basically this is just trans!john and how he becomes comfortable with his amazing bf sherlock. that’s literally what the chapters are

john walked into the flat, going up the steps and standing on the landing in front of the door that lead into the kitchen. he stared at his boyfriend that sat at the table, staring into his microscope, extremely focused on what he was doing. maybe john should have texted first. sherlock was busy and obviously doesn't want any distractions. he could just tell him later. later would be better. they could go out to dinner and john could say what he needed, but that would mean that john would get humiliated in public and he didn't want that to happen. 

john sighed softly, stuffing his hands into his coat pocket and turning on his heels but the sound of sherlock speaking stopped him. 

"you can come in, john." 

john turned again and looked at sherlock who was now looking at him with a soft smile. john smiled back, taking a few steps into the flat. 

"you didn't text. did you need something?" sherlock asked. 

"ah, no. it can wait." 

"you sure?" 

john nodded. "yeah. you're busy and i can just come by when you're not." he took a step back. 

sherlock furrowed his brows. "it's clearly something." he stood up, the legs of his chair scraping against the wood floor as he did. 

john continued to take steps back until he was on the landing. "i'll come by tonight. is that okay?" 

sherlock nodded. "yeah, of course it is."

john inhaled deeply before leaving in a hurry, standing on the sidewalk as he calmed his nerves. he had an extra five hours to prepare himself to tell sherlock. he could do it, but he would be risking one of the best relationships he's ever been in. all john had to do was tell himself that it would be fine, that sherlock would accept him for who he is because sherlock is a sweet guy who would understand and if he didn't, john would just have to live with the fact that he would be losing one of the most understanding men in his life. 

it would be fine. 

john stood on the landing in front of the kitchen door, again, but this time sherlock's back was to him as he was cooking. the table was cleared of the earlier experiment and now set for two with an unlit candle in the middle. john gently knocked on the door frame, watching sherlock glance behind quickly before he turned the burner off and move the pan so what he was cooking wouldn't burn. 

"hi," sherlock smiled as he walked around the table. 

"hey." john looked up at sherlock. "you didn't have to cook." 

"well, i wanted to." sherlock leaned down to give john a kiss, but john moved away, giving sherlock an awkward pat on chest. "something is wrong." sherlock stepped back, putting a respectful space between him and john. "what is it?" 

john looked down at his feet, scratching the back of his neck. "i don't know how exactly to say it." he looked up at sherlock who wasn't smiling anymore. 

"it's only been two months," sherlock's voice cracked, "am i really that bad?" he asked. 

"no, no. it's not that, sherlock." john stepped closer to sherlock, but sherlock stepped back. "it's not that. i swear." 

"then what is it? i- i told you all my flaws on our first date and you've always been fine with them. i look after you, i make you dinner." he gestured to the stove before his hand fell to his side. "what is it?" 

john inhaled deeply. "i should have told you this two months ago. i really should have because now i'm putting this amazing relationship on the line and an even more amazing person," he huffed out a laugh and looked at sherlock who now looked more worried than pissed off. "and i thought you would have left after the first couple weeks because i didn't want to have sex, but you stayed. and how i'm not comfortable with undressing in front of you, or how i always sleep with my shirt on or when i do that certain thing sometimes. you never ask why i do those things." 

"i don't want you to be uncomfortable around me. i like you, john and you're one of the few people that put up with my experiments or the fingers in the fridge and my occasional not talking for days." sherlock have john a timid smile. "and i don't want this relationship to be over." 

"it probably will be after i say this." 

sherlock stepped over to john, holding his hands as he looked at the blond. "try me." 

john looked up at sherlock, squeezing the larger hands as he took a deep breath. "i'm trans." 

there was a few seconds of regret flooded johns mind because sherlock just stood there, saying nothing, staring at him blankly. the johns face was in the softness of the detective's jumper as his arms wrapped around him tightly. john hugged him back, sniffling as a few tears escaped from his eyes. 

"i am proud of you." sherlock said. "i am so fucking proud." he let go of john, cupping his his cheeks. "you are beautiful, john watson." he wiped the tears from his cheeks. "you are strong and amazing and i would be damned if you would think that i would drop you because you are who you are." 

john sniffled, wiping his face. "do you really mean it?" 

"do i really- of course if fucking mean it." 

john huffed out a laugh. "thank you." 

"for what?" 

"for being you. for understanding and still wanting to be with me even though i don't exactly have a dick." 

"well, i fell in love with who you are. not what is in your pants." 

john furrowed his brows. "did you just?" 

sherlock nodded. "yes. sorry, that was a bit too soon." he scratched the back of his neck. 

"it's cool. that is totally cool." john smiled at sherlock. "i love you, too." 

sherlock smiled widely, pulling john to him and kissing him deeply. and this time john didn't move away.


	2. questions and family

it was at breakfast a few days after their dinner. things are going amazing for the both of them, but they don't talk about john and john can see that sherlock wants to ask. he can see when sherlock debates inside his head if he should ask something, but he never does. john is ready to answer those questions. now that he is out to sherlock and sherlock is totally alright with it, he would answer any question that the detective would ask. 

"you can ask." john set his coffee mug down, watching sherlock set the morning paper down. 

"ask what?" he folded the paper back into its original form. 

"you know. about me. my past." 

"are you sure? i don't want you to feel like i'm pressuring you." 

john reached across the table and held the detectives large, but soft, hands. "i promise, sherlock, you are not pressuring me into anything. i can tell that you want to know." 

sherlock glanced down at their hands before looking at john again. "are their boundaries?" 

"we will figure that out when you ask something that i don't want to answer." sherlock's eyes met with his again and smiled. "alright?" 

sherlock nodded. "alright." 

they were laying in bed, sherlock reading and john typing up their latest case. it was already like they were and old married couple. 

"when did you come out?" 

john's fingers came to a vault and he froze for a second. he didn't expect it to be that hard to answer, but it really was. 

"i'm sorry." sherlock immediately apologized after john didn't respond for a minute. 

john looked at sherlock. "i was sixteen. on my birthday, actually." he turned back to his laptop and picked up where he left off. 

"did you family.... approve? is that okay that i'm asking about it?" sherlock closed his book, watching john. 

john nodded. "yeah. it's fine." he looked at sherlock. "it's just harder to answer than i expected." 

"i'm totally fine if you don't want to answer anymore. i completely understand." 

john smiled. "you're sweet, you know that?" 

"i try my best." 

john rolled his eyes. "it wasn't bad, they all expected it to happen." he closed his laptop. "by the time i was sixteen i had a short hair style and only wore boys clothing, so all they were doing was waiting for me to say it." 

"was it hard?" 

john nodded. "it was. they were all really supportive and i was lucky. a lot of other people aren't so lucky." he leaned over the side of the bed, placing his laptop on the floor. 

"you haven't told me much about your family." 

"well, neither have you." 

"touché," sherlock smiled as he set his book on his side table. "who will go first?" 

"rock, paper, scissors?" 

"mmm, fine." 

it was sherlock that lost to john, in all three rounds too. he told john about his mother and father then spoke about his awful brother, but john knew he was over exaggerating. other than the negative words about the holmes family, john thought they were fantastic and he would continue to bother sherlock until he agreed to let him meet them. then sherlock sat and listen to john talk about his family. 

the watson family that stayed together after everything that happened. it started when john was seventeen and his father died in a shoot out during an armed robbery. he did save four people's lives and was remembered as a hero after his death. he was a great man. then his older sister became an alcoholic six months after their father passed, causing him and his mother to constantly look over her. 

"she just got worse." john's voice cracked. "i was twenty one when it happened. i still remember my mum calling me while i was at uni, completely breaking down into sobs." he sniffled, wiping his face with the sleeve of his jumper. 

"it's okay. you don't have to tell me anymore." sherlock said softly, rubbing john's bicep. 

"it's okay." he looked at sherlock. "it's better to tell you now then when your family asks at dinner one night." 

"i suppose you're right. is your mum still....?"

john nodded. "yeah, yeah. i visit on her birthday, christmas and occasionally mother's day, but it's a long commute from here to there so i go when i have the time and money." 

sherlock pulled john closer, hugging him. "i'm very proud of you. i hope you know that." 

john sniffled. "i know." 

"i love you." sherlock pulled back, looking at john with a smile. 

john smiled back. "i love you, too." he gave sherlock a quick kiss. "thank you for staying with me."

"nothing will change. promise you." 

john smiled widely like a fool in love.


	3. no shirt, no problem

it happened one night after a fantastic date night and they were both on a sexual high. it wasn't sex. sex wouldn't be for a very long time, but what happened created a new limit for john and his body. 

he took his shirt off. right in front of sherlock. 

the detective froze as he looked at the chest of his boyfriend, keeping eye contact with john because he wasn't sure if he was allowed to look, but then john turned his head and sherlock's eyes wondered down to john's chest, looking at the scars under each breast. 

"when did you?" 

"i was eighteen." john took sherlocks hands, laying back as he let the hands rest gently on each breast. 

"if you're not comfort-" 

"i am, sherlock. i really am. are you?" 

sherlock nodded. he let his hands fall to john's rib cage, resting there as his thumbs gently traced each scar. "you're beautiful." he leaned down and kissed the center of john's chest, earning a soft noise from the man under him. "i wish you saw what i saw." 

"and what do you see?" 

"a beautiful, strong man that has been through hell and back, but doesn't let it affect him." sherlock held himself above john, cupping the doctors cheek. "you are amazing. smart, kind, caring." he smiled hopelessly. "you are perfect in every way possible." 

john's face was a deep shade of red. "you are a different kind of man, sherlock holmes." 

"a good kind, right?" 

john laughed softly. "a very good kind." he pulled sherlock down for a kiss. a soft whine escaped john's mouth when he felt the detectives thumbs rub over his nipples. 

"good?" sherlock asked softly. 

john nodded. "good. very good." 

sherlock grinned. "more?" 

"god yes," john breathed.

john stood at the stove, cooking him and sherlock breakfast even though he would be the only one that ate it. last night the two set a new limit to what they do in bed and they couldn't be more excited about the progress. it was something new and john was becoming more comfortable in his own body also around the man he loved. 

"good morning." sherlock's groggy voice came from behind. he wrapped his arms around john's waist then kiss his bare shoulder. 

john smiled to himself. "morning." 

sherlock stole a piece of bacon off the plate by the stove, earning a soft smack from john. he laughed. "what time do you work today?" 

"nine thirty." john turned the burner off, looking at sherlock who was staring at him with major heart eyes. "what?" 

"i still can't get over how gorgeous you are," he smiled with his lips. 

"stop it." john moved the omelette he made to a plate, trying not to blush. 

"it's true." sherlock kissed johns cheek. "absolutely astounding." 

john felt his ears get hot. "coffee?" 

"sit an eat. i'll make it." sherlock's hand ran across the small of john's back as he walked past him. 

john watched him before he went back to the bedroom, picking up sherlocks discarded sweater from last night and putting it on. he could only be so comfortable without a shirt for so long until his dysphoria came back and he realized how much he hated his scars. he walked back into the kitchen, sitting down at the table where his omelette sat with only half of it left while sherlock sat with the news paper, eating the other half. 

john sat down, slipping his feet between sherlock's as he cut up his omelette, starting to eat. 

"you put a shirt on." sherlock folded the newspaper down so he could look at john. 

"yeah. i was getting cold." he continued to eat, not looking at sherlock. 

"i can turn the heat up." sherlock set the newspaper down and was about to stand, but john stopped him by grabbing his wrist. 

"it's fine, sherlock." john let go of sherlock's wrist. "i just got a little uncomfortable. i'm not cold, i just didn't want you to know." he said softly, bowing his head. 

"that's okay. i hope you know that." sherlock held johns hand. 

john looked up at sherlock, "is it really?" 

"yes!" sherlock exclaimed softly. "i don't expect you to be shirtless around me all the time or even when we go to bed. i just want you to be comfortable around me. and trust me." 

"i do trust you. and i am comfortable around you. i'm just not comfortable with.. myself." john looked down at his plate. 

"that's completely alright." sherlock smiled at john even though he wasn't looking. "don't push yourself just for me, love. take your time." 

john nodded. "i will."


	4. pictures

john sat in his chair, reading an article on his laptop when sherlock came up behind him and wrapped his arms around the doctor, kissing his cheek. 

"do you know what today is?" sherlock asked softly. 

john smiled. "no, no i don't. remind me again." 

sherlock walked around john, pushing his laptop close and setting it on the floor. "we have officially been together for six months." he pulled john out of his chair. 

john laughed softly, a smile plastered onto his face. "is it really?" 

sherlock nodded. "and i do believe that this fantastic boyfriend has a very important question ask before we start the amazing day." 

john wrapped his arms around sherlocks neck. "i'll be happy to answer." 

"will you move in with me?" sherlock asked, watching john's smile get wider if that was even possible. 

"yes!" john exclaimed, pulling sherlock down and kissing him deeply. "yes i'll move in with you!" 

it was when sherlock was packing up johns bookshelf when he found it. it was an old photo album, but by the thickness of it the whole thing was filled. sherlock felt like he would be invading the parts of johns past that he hasn't told him yet if he opened and looked inside, so sherlock set it in the box, leaving the topic for when they unpacked. 

the album did come to topic when unpacking. it was a few days later after dinner when john was working on his third glass of wine, watching sherlock make room for both of their books on the shelves. when sherlock pulled the album out he asked john what he wanted to do with it and john told him to give it to him. 

sherlock walked over to the sofa, handing john the album then sat down next to him. "my mum gave this to me a year or two after i left for uni." he opened it, the first page filled with pictures of the delivery room and little john, bundled up in a blanket. 

"aw, look at you," sherlock cooed. 

john laughed softly. "i was a very quiet baby." he turned the page to show a little baby girl, only a few months old, in a dress and a hair band with a flower on it. "my mum was so happy that she had another girl. my dad really wanted a boy, but he was still as happy as he would have been." 

sherlock smiled and watched as john turned the next page. "is that harry?" he asked, pointing to a picture of a young girl who looked like john, holding little baby john. 

john nodded. "yeah. she looks like me, doesn't she?" he looked at sherlock. 

"yeah. she really does." 

john smiled and rested his head on sherlocks shoulder. he kept flipping though the pages, stopping when he saw a picture of him on his third birthday. "god, look at that hair." 

sherlock smiled, looking at the version of john with long, wavy blond hair. "like a little rapunzel." 

"mmm," john took a swig of his wine. "mum loved my hair." 

"you look a lot like your mum." 

john turned the page. "yeah. my dad was a bit jealous." 

sherlock laughed softly and continued to look at the pictures as john flipped through the pages. for the most part, john had long hair and dressed in floral dresses until he hit around age eleven when he started to play rugby and football. he cut his hair to his shoulder then started dressing more masculine. 

"i always got picked on." john stopped on one picture of him when he was about fourteen when he got his first official short haircut, the biggest smile on his face. "my dad put me in a defense class because i would come home from school or practice with a new bruise or black eye." he turned the page and there was a picture of john and his father together, but now john looked more like his father than mother. 

"you father seems like a great man." 

"yeah." john said softly, staring intently at the photo. "he was always my protector, always encouraged me in what i did. he was the best dad i could ask for." 

sherlock kissed johns head, combing a hand through his hair. 

"he would have loved you." john looked up at sherlock. 

"really?"

john nodded. "well, the first obvious reason is because you work for the police. automatically you're on his good side. then there is always taking care and watching over me." 

"well of course. if i mistreated the man i loved then i wouldn't be as great as he describes me as." 

john scoffed. "shut up." 

sherlock smiled, chuckling softly. "but really, i would have loved to meet him. and hopefully i get to meet your mum soon." 

"you will. her birthday is next month." john turned his attention back to the photo album, turning the page again. there were pictures of john at his games or together with his sister or kicking around the ball in the garden with his dad. every picture he was smiling. he had a huge smile on his face as he developed who he was and what he was meant to be. 

john stopped on a picture of him on his sixteenth birthday, smiling wide as his family hugged him, all of them filled with joy. "i was so scared that they wouldn't accept me. but then they did and so much weight was lifted off my shoulders." 

"what about people around you? how'd they feel?"

john shrugged. "they all didn't respect my choices, but the ones that did i kept around me." 

"i'm sorry."

"it's alright. they helped me find who i am today." he turned the page to show teen john on the beach with his sister, arms wrapped around each other like a photo from when they were younger. 

"was harry always...?" 

"sometimes she was." john took a deep breath. "she had depression for the longest time, but never let it show. she was so strong and i wish that she wanted to be here, but she never did. and i would have taken away her pain if i could've." he sniffled, wiping his tears away. 

sherlock rubbed john's shoulder. "we don't have to keep looking." 

"no, no. you have to see the drugged up me." he said with a small laugh then flipped to a page and there was a picture of john when he got his top surgery with a big smile and two thumbs up. "my dad raised money for me to get the surgery done. he always went around, asking everyone to donate to a cause that wasn't me getting my tits removed, because no one would donate to that." 

sherlock smiled down at the picture. "how did you feel afterwards?" 

"amazing." john closed the album, leaning over and setting it down on the coffee table, along with his glass of wine. "it was great not having to compress my chest or worry if my bra was showing," he lay his head in sherlock's lap, looking up at him. 

sherlock combed a hand through the soft blond hair. "if you don't mind me asking, what was your birth name?" 

"joanne christina watson. joan for short. christina was my late grandmothers name." john let his eyes close, relaxing into sherlock. 

"hamish was your father's name, wasn't it?" 

john nodded. "my mum cried when i told her that i wanted to use hamish in my name." he smiled softly, thinking about the memory. 

"am i good enough to meet your mum?" sherlock asked. 

john opened his eyes. "course you are." 

"will i meet her?"

"if you want, you can come with me when i visit her for her birthday." john pulled the blanket that was folded on the back of the sofa, putting it over himself. 

"do you mind?" 

john shook his head. "only if i can meet your family durning christmas." 

sherlock threw his head back and groaned, "ugh!" 

john laughed softly. "i just want to meet them. we could just have dinner or something. nothing big." 

sherlock sighed, looking down at john again. "i could live through that." 

"oh, could you?" 

"yeah," sherlock nodded. "for you, i think i could." 

john rolled his eyes then buried his face in sherlocks abdomen, feeling drained out. there was a hand softly combing through his hair and it felt nice. very nice, actually. john fell asleep to the feeling of sherlock playing with his hair as he hummed some kind of song softly. 

this was good. 

sherlock is amazing. 

it's all john ever wished for. and now he has it.


	5. the superior watson

sherlock got the bags out of the boot of the cab as john went to the front door of the quaint little cottage. when sherlock got to the door john was already hugging his mother, a smile plastered on his face. she was a small woman, shorter than john with grey hair and the same facial features as john. 

"mum, this is sherlock." john said with a smile, taking the bags from sherlock. 

"pleasure to finally meet you, mrs. watson." sherlock said with a smile. 

"oh, please! call me marie! you make me sound like i'm older than i am." 

sherlock laughed softly, getting pulled into a hug by the woman. 

"so glad john has finally found someone!" she let go of sherlock. "come in! i've got tea and fresh biscuits!" she hurried back into the cottage. 

sherlock looked down at john in shock, he did not expect his mother to be that enthusiastic. "yeah, she's a little excited." john said as he walked in. 

sherlock followed, closing the door behind him. "it's alright. that was a lot to take in at once though." he chuckled. 

john set their bags on the steps. "yeah, i know. you're the first man that has stuck with me after telling them i was trans." he smiled up at sherlock. "she's really happy that i've found someone." 

"i'm happy too." sherlock leaned down and gave john a kiss. "now, i'm dying to taste your mother's famous biscuits that you have been going on and on about." 

john took sherlock's hand, "come on then." 

the three sat in mrs. watson's lean-to green house as they had their tea and biscuits. it was far too cold to sit in the outdoors to chat and it was a beautiful day, so they settled for the green house. it was nice, there were many flowers, but mrs. watson's main type of plant was spices and herbs. she had quite the green hand. 

"so, sherlock," mrs. watson said as she set her tea cup on the saucer, "what does a man like you do?" 

"i work as a detective for the new scotland yard." sherlock said. 

"he was a consulting detective, but i finally persuaded him to take the offer so we would know when he would be getting paid." john said. "stubborn, stubborn man." he muttered as he sipped his tea. 

mrs. watson chuckled softly. "hamish was a detective. damn good one too." she said. 

"john has told me loads of stories about him." sherlock placed a hand on john's knee, smiling at him. 

"really?" mrs. watson was shocked. 

john nodded. "yeah, i showed him the album."

mrs. watson smiled. "so he knows?" 

"yes. he knows." 

"when did you tell him?" 

"around our two months." john said with a smile, placing his hand over sherlock's, looking at him. "i told you he is amazing, mum."

mrs. watson smiled at sherlock. "thank you for making my boy happy."

sherlock smiled back, looking at mrs. watson. "he makes me happy." 

"i did good, didn't i?" 

sherlock laughed softly. "yes. yes you did." he looked at john who was a light shade of pink as he looked at his boyfriend. 

john felt his ears get hot as sherlock stared at him with that, 'i'm so in love with you, you make me the happiest man alive' look. he turned to his mother before he could become even more red. "so, mum. what did you want to do for your birthday?" 

"what we always do!" 

"are you sure? sherlock is with us this year." 

"he'll be part of the family soon, he needs to know what his future mother in law does on her birthdays." she picked up her tea up, shooting sherlock a wink as she took a sip. 

sherlock cleared his throat. "where's the loo?" he asked. 

"upstairs first door on the left." john said softly. 

sherlock stood, setting his napkin on his empty plate before returning back inside. 

"did i scare him?" mrs. watson asked. 

john nodded. "just a little bit." 

"i'm sorry, dear. i'm just excited!" 

"i know, mum. maybe take it down a bit, yeah? i'm sure he can't handle all of you at once." 

mrs. watson nodded. "yeah. go on in and make sure i didn't scare him away. i'll clean up." 

john stood, going inside and upstairs, grabbing the bags that were still sitting on the steps. he put them in the guest room before standing in the corridor, watching sherlock look at the pictures his mother had hanging on the walls. "sorry about that." john said, breaking the silence. "she just gets too excited." he walked over to sherlock. 

"i've noticed." sherlock looked down at john. "i hope she doesn't expect a wedding soon, it hasn't even been a year yet." 

john smiled. "she would be thrilled if she knew we were living together." 

"so most of your past dates really ended up dumping you because you're trans?" sherlock asked. 

john nodded. "yeah. when you get in a gay relationship, you kind of expect the other man to have a penis." 

"oh, so that's how that works?" 

john rolled his eyes, shaking his head. 

sherlock smiled, pulling john against his chest. "i love you, john watson. and i wouldn't mind being legally bounded to you if that made you happy." 

john laughed. "you are a different type of romantic, sherlock holmes. and i love you for that." 

sherlock smiled, leaning down and giving john a kiss. "good. i'd be lost without my blogger." 

john laughed softly, grabbing sherlock's hand and pulling him back downstairs where mrs. watson sat on the sofa with an entirely new photo album. sherlock gladly sat next to her as john begged his mother not to show sherlock the more embarrassing pictures that were not and will never be included in the album at home.


	6. case gone bad

sherlock sat in the back of the ambulance, constantly watching his surroundings for john as a paramedic treated the cut on his forehead. the second john came through on the stretcher, bloody gauze on his side sherlock instantly got up, almost falling down.

"sherlock. you need to sit," greg said as he held the detective up.

"no." sherlock tried to keep going, but greg held him back. "i need to see him. he needs me."

"sherlock."

"no. john!" sherlock pushed greg away, not making it far before his vision went black and he collapsed again. "i need- i need to see him." sherlock teared up as he heard the sirens.

greg kneeled over sherlock. "he's alright, sherlock."

"no, no. i need to see him. i need to." his voice cracked.

"we'll get you to the hospital, okay? you've got a concussion and you need stitches. you can see john there."

"promise?"

greg nodded. "promise." he stood up, giving a nod to the two paramedics.

they came over and got sherlock up, being able to get him into the ambulance before giving him something to calm his nerves as they went to the hospital.

after they checked sherlock's head again to make sure he didn't do anymore damage, they made him sit in a wheelchair in order to see john. of course, sherlock refused but greg was able to get him in with lots on convincing.

"john!" sherlock exclaimed, getting up and bounding to his boyfriend in the hospital bed, wrapping his arms around john's neck.

"i'm fine, love." john hugged back. "just a little scratch," he chuckled softly, pulling sherlock's face out of his neck and looking at the two stitches on his forehead.

"a-are you sure?" sherlock looked down at john's side where the patch was visible through the gown. "it's more than just a little scratch."

"i'm positive, sherlock." john pushed back sherlock's fringe, looking at the swollen area on his forehead. "concussion?"

sherlock nodded.

"john, doctor said you can leave, i just need to take you both home." greg said.

john looked over at greg. "course. just leave and close the door, will you?"

"yeah," greg nodded as he stepped out, closing the door behind him.

once john was dressed in his jeans and sherlock's tee shirt with greg's jacket, they were ready to return to baker street. sherlock was helping john the best he could since he was lightheaded most of the time, so it was really john helping sherlock to bed. sherlock flopped down onto the bed, taking off his jumper and trousers, kicking them to the floor as he watched john limp his way over to the dresser.

"do you need help?" sherlock asked, sitting up, barely being able to hold himself.

john shook his head. "i'm fine, love. lay down, you're concussed."

sherlock fell back again, watching john as he traded his jeans for a pair of sweatpants. he pulled back the cover when john came over to the bed, pulling the blankets over john once he was down and comfortable.

"i could have lost you." sherlock said softly.

"it was just a minor cut on my side." john held sherlock's hands. "i am perfectly fine."

"but what if he stabbed you instead of a glaze?" imagine if he had stabbed you, john. the- the blood loss and internal damage-"

john shut sherlock up with a kiss. "i am alive. i am in one piece." he cupped sherlock's face. "i know you're worried, but i'm here and breathing. there's no buts or what ifs. i'm here."

sherlock nodded, sniffling. "i just don't want anything to happen to you."

"nothing will!" john exclaimed softly. "and if anything did, you would be there to help or protect me."

sherlock leaned in closer to john, staying there and just feeling that john is there. that he is laying in the bed with him, his hand is on his cheek and the other his holding his own hand. john is alive and breathing right in front of him.

"i love you." john gently kissed sherlock's nose.

"i love you, too." he pressed his face into john's chest. "no more dangerous cases." he mumbled.

"oh?"

"for you! not for me." sherlock whined.

john laughed softly, combing a hand through sherlock's hair. "go to sleep. we'll have this discussion when you're in your right state of mind."

sherlock said something, but it was completely muffled since his entire face was pressed into john's chest. the detective made sure he could hear john's heartbeat. another thing to let him know that john is fine. he is breathing. he is fine.


	7. sherlock was right

once the first of december hit, john reminded sherlock every day about how he told john they could have dinner with his family. sherlock tried to ignore it, but it got to the point where john set a reminder on sherlock's phone and that's when sherlock lost it and finally phoned his mother. 

"nineteenth at seven, dinner with my family." sherlock said, slapping the piece of paper he wrote the information on in front of john on the table. 

john smiled, looking up at sherlock. "well, i cannot wait." 

"oh, yeah. i'm sure." sherlock rolled his eyes and went back into the sitting room, throwing himself into his chair. he watched john with a pout on his face that turned into a smile when john came over to him. 

the nineteenth was an exciting day because sherlock tried to act sick, but he forgot john is a doctor, so it obviously didn't work. then sherlock ruined the outfit john had picked out for him, but john had a back up because he knew that sherlock would try everything to get out of dinner. when sherlock tried to make them late was when john really started to get pissed off. 

"sherlock, lets go!" john shouted from the landing, checking his watch. it was finally seven and they haven't even left the flat. 

"just a second!" sherlock shouted back from the bathroom. 

john sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. he walked back into the flat, walking angrily to the bathroom and opening the door, glaring at sherlock who was standing against the sink. "get your stubborn ass out that door, now!" 

sherlock's eyes got wide and he hurried out of the bathroom as john continued to shout at him. 

"you're lucky i don't pull you out of this flat by your ear like a five year old because you're clearly acting like one!" john said, enraged. 

sherlock grabbed his coat off the rack, practically running out of the flat and onto the street, hailing a cab. 

"all i want is to meet your family! that's all i want, and i get that you don't like them, but you don't need to act like this. ridiculous. absolutely ridiculous." john closed the door loudly behind him, glaring at sherlock as he got into the cab. "you're twenty nine and still throw tantrums. ridiculous." 

sherlock looked at john. "i'm sorry." 

john sighed. "i know you are, love. i really do. but please, let me just get this anger out." he held sherlock's hand. 

sherlock nodded and watched john as he continued to rant about is behavior today and how he's lucky he didn't physically drag him out of the flat. 

when they arrived at the restaurant, john took a second to conceal his anger. he took sherlock's hand and inhaled deeply, giving the larger hand a bit of a squeeze. "please behave. and don't mention anything about me being trans." 

sherlock nodded. "yeah, of course." he gave john a quick kiss before they walked in. a stare of disgust grew on sherlock's face as he saw his brother sitting at the table with his parents. 

"there you are!" mrs. holmes exclaimed as she got out of her seat. "i was getting worried!" she went to her son and pulled him into a tight embrace. 

sherlock hugged back, "sorry, it was my fault." he let go of his mom, only to be pulled into another hug by his father. 

john stood to the side, smiling at the family. sherlock was as tall as his father, but definitely had more of his mother's looks. especially the eyes. 

"mum, dad." sherlock stepped back, taking john's hand, "this is john." he said with a smile. 

john smiled, "pleasure to meet you both." 

"i hope sherlock didn't make us seem like horrid people." mrs. holmes said as she went back to her seat. "he's always been like that. since he was a boy." 

"i can definitely see it." john watched sherlock pull a chair out, smiling at him. john took his coat off, setting it on the back of his chair before sitting down, being pushed in by sherlock. 

"oh! this is mycroft. sherlock's older brother." mr. holmes said, patting the forearm of the auburn at the end of the table. 

john smiled at mycroft, but mycroft kept the nasty look on his face, causing john to look away awkwardly. 

sherlock sat next to john, placing a hand on john's thigh, rubbing his thumb gently as his family started to ask john the basic 'are you good enough for my son' questions. 

"what is your occupation, john?" mr. holmes asked. 

"i'm a general practitioner, but i did work as a surgeon for a bit when i got out of school." john watched both of sherlock's parents smile. 

"you look too young!" mrs. holmes exclaimed softly. 

john chuckled, "i'll be turning twenty nine in april. i guess i am a bit young." 

"oh wow." mrs. holmes looked over at sherlock and smiled at him with that 'i like him' smile. 

the questions continued as they looked through their menus, but stopped once they all started eating. instead, mrs. holmes told john embarrassing stories of sherlock when he was young, causing sherlock to turn red and to say it was payback from when him and his mother went through his baby pictures. then that got them onto the topic of john's family and john was honest with them, but said that his sister passed in a car accident instead of what actually happened. the sympathy came and that's when john excused himself. not because it was a tough topic, but because mycroft's glare became harder too ignore and it was starting to stress john out more than is should have. 

he went into the toilet, going to the sink and splashing a bit of water on his face, getting a paper towel to dry himself. he looked at his shirt, making sure he hadn't gotten anything on it and froze when he saw mycroft walk through the door in the mirror. john ducked his head, throwing his paper towel away as he went for the door, but mycroft stopped him. 

"why didn't you tell them?" mycroft asked. 

john furrowed his brows. "what?" 

"my parents. why didn't you tell them that you're of the female gender?" 

john stepped back. "i don't know what you're talking about." 

"i'm sure you do, john." mycroft walked past john and to the sinks. "or should i say joanne? seeing that is your birth name." he turned a sink on, sticking his hands under the water. 

"how do you-" 

"does sherlock know?" mycroft turned the sink off. 

"why does it matter? why does any of this matter?" 

"because," mycroft dried his hands then turned to face john. "it's disgusting what you are. it's sick and appalling and i have no idea what my brother sees in a freak like you, but all things considered, he's a bit of one himself." 

john stood there, his fist clenched as his breath picked up. 

"look," mycroft said with a chuckle, "can't even defend yourself. let alone the man you claim to be so deeply in love with. shame sherlock doesn't see the real, repulsive person you are." 

john turned around, storming out as he was close to breaking down in sobs. dinner was a horrible idea and now john saw why sherlock didn't want to come in the first place. 

sherlock was speaking with his parents when john came to the table, took his jacket off the back of his chair then ran out of the restaurant. sherlock instantly got up and chased after john, but was too late as he watched john close the door to the cab he had gotten into. he sighed and went back into the restaurant, going back to the table and looking at his brother with a sharp glare. 

"what did you say to him?" he asked calmly. 

"i don't know what you're talking about." mycroft responded calmly. 

sherlock took a deep breath, leaning over the table. "what did you say to him?" he gritted through his teeth. 

"nothing. all i did was use the loo. do you want proof?" 

sherlock slammed his fist hard on the table, causing his parents to gasp as everyone around them stopped what they were doing and stared at them. "what the hell did you say to him?!" 

mycroft sat there, not responding and sherlock knew. he knew and he could have strangled his brother right there. right in front of their parents, in the middle of a restaurant full of strangers that were all staring at him. 

"you are a sick, sadistic bastard. i hope you rot in hell." sherlock said to his brother before standing up and looking at his parents. "i'll call you in the morning. thanks for dinner." he said then grabbed his own coat, heading out of the restaurant. 

he walked home, needing too cool down, but it was more of a fast walk because he was worried to see if john was okay. or even if john was at the flat and if he wasn't, sherlock would drive himself mad with being worried. once his mind started filling with horrible things, he started to run.

when sherlock reached the flat, he bounded upstairs. "john?" he called out, not seeing him in the sitting room and heading for the bedroom. "john?" he opened the door to see no one. he checked the bathroom and it was empty, taking his phone out of his pocket.

he dialed john's number, being sent straight to voicemail. 

"hi, you've reached john watson. leave your name and number and i'll get back to you as soon as i can. ta!"

"john please call me. text me or something, i-i just need to know you're okay. i'm not going to send anyone out yet because i know you need space, but if you don't give me a sign of life in two hours, i'm calling greg." sherlock sighed, calming himself. "i really just need to know you're okay, baby. i love you, john. i really do. please let me know you're okay. please." sherlock hung up, taking a deep breath to calm himself down.


	8. he’s alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wish i could leave kudos on all your amazing comments;-; i’m glad you are all enjoying this story type thing

john sat on the park bench as he listened to the voice mail again. and then the second one. 

"it's eleven thirty and i really don't want to send people out, john. i know you just need space, but i don't know if you are okay or not and it's starting to scare me. midnight is when i call." 

then the third. 

"i won't talk if you don't want me to. i'll sleep on the sofa. i won't look at you. i won't breathe around you. i just need you to come home. i'll need to look at you, but then i look away and i'll make you tea with and add in the honey you like. or get some of those biscuits with the chocolate. or make you a grilled cheese, but i really only make them when you're sick, but that doesn't matter. i'll still make them for you. i-" sherlock sighed, "just give me a sign of life. call me, text, come home. anything. please. i love you."

john pulled the phone away from his ear and looked down at the screen, seeing it was ten minutes until midnight. he would have time to walk home, but he really didn't want to. he just wanted to sit on the park bench for a little while longer because he felt like he couldn't move. it was starting to get colder and his coat wasn't doing much to keep him warm and it would only take another hour or two for him to get sick. he turned his phone screen back on, going to sherlock's contact and hitting the call button. 

sherlock instantly answered, but didn't say anything. 

"i'm in the park." john said, breaking the silence. 

"are you okay?"

"yeah. i think so." the line went silent for a few more seconds. "i'll be home soon. promise. i- i just need to get my thoughts together and i'll be home." 

"don't stay out too long. it's supposed to drop a few degrees by the next hour. i don't want you catching a cold." 

"i'll be home soon." john said softly before hanging up. he slipped his phone into his coat pocket, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. 

it wasn't until one when john walked through the landing door. sherlock was sitting on the sofa while greg was standing by the window, both of them had looks of relief on their faces. 

sherlock stood up and went over to john, standing in front of him because he wasn't sure if john wanted to be touched or not. john looked up at sherlock, his eyes heavy as he looked like he was about to cry. then john latched onto sherlock, burying his face into the chest of the detective as he broke down into sobs. 

by the time john pulled his face out of sherlock's chest, there was a wet spot where his face was and he laughed softly. "i got your shirt wet." 

sherlock smiled. "that's alright." 

john wiped his face, with his sleeves before removing his coat and hanging it up. "i'm gonna have a bath." he turned to face sherlock again. 

sherlock nodded. "did you want some tea? or something to eat?" 

"some tea would be nice, but after. i just need to relax." john gave sherlock a timid smile. "i know you're worried, but i'm fine. it's not the first time that someone has said things like that to me." 

"are you sure?" 

"positive." john turned and headed for the bathroom, closing both the doors before he went to the tub and started undressing. 

while john was soaking in his bath, sherlock opened the door and stuck his arm into the bathroom, setting a folded towel on the floor then added a folded shirt, pair of sweat pants and a pair of clean boxers. the detective closed the door softly and john smiled to himself, he was so lucky. he was lucky to have such an amazing and understanding boyfriend as sherlock. even after finding out that john is transgender, sherlock still decided to be with him. he still gives john the same amount of love and affection that he always has, he is always there when he needs him, and there is not a day that goes by without sherlock telling him he is beautiful just the way he is. 

when john got out of the bath and dressed, sherlock was in the kitchen with the kettle already on the stove. john walked over to his boyfriend, wrapping his arms around the thin waist and resting his head on his chest. sherlock wrapped his arms around john's shoulders, kissing the damp hair. 

"i talked to mycroft. well, more like shouted at mycroft." sherlock said. 

"what d'you say to him?" 

"i yelled at him with a bit of profanity, then told him that if he is going to continue to behave the way he did at dinner, then i don't want him any where near me and especially you." sherlock looked down at john. "i don't know what he said to you, but no one should ever treat you like that. ever."

"well it's a good thing i have you to shout profanity at them if they do." john smiled up at sherlock, letting go of him as the kettle started to scream. john made his way to their bedroom, falling down onto the bed as he coughed a bit. he could feel a cold coming and it was his fault because he sat out in the park like an idiot with just his coat on and no other protective clothing. 

sherlock came in and set a mug on john's side table then sat on his own side, watching john sit up. "you okay, love?" 

john nodded as he grabbed his tea. "i think i caught a cold. nothing bad." he took a small sip of the hot liquid, tasting the peppermint lemon mixture. "you already know." 

"it was just a guess. your cheeks are that shade they get when you don't feel well and you have been sniffling quite a lot." sherlock took a swig of his tea. 

"you know me so well." john said with a smile. 

sherlock placed his hand on john's knee, placing a kiss on his forehead. "because i care about you. and the other obvious reason." 

"which is?" 

"that i love you." 

john leaned over and gave sherlock a quick, chaste kiss, not wanting to spread his germs. "i love you, too." he pulled away from sherlock and took a swig of his tea before settling in bed, looking up at sherlock. 

sherlock combed a hand through the doctor’s hair, feeling his forehead with the back of his hand. “don’t feel obligated to tell me the things mycroft said to you. i know that it hit a feeling in you, but i’ll sit and listen to you if you want to tell me then rant about him. we can start a mycroft hate club.” 

john laughed softly. “it’s just something i rather forget, ya know?” 

sherlock nodded. “completely understandable.” he leaned down and pecked john’s forehead. “now get some rest, you really need it.”


	9. cheating?

over the next few days, john would come home from the clinic more miserable than ever with a congested nose and a headache. he definitely had caught a cold from staying out so late in the cold the night the whole mycroft scene happened. lucky for john, his amazing boyfriend would have a cup of hot peppermint tea and whatever john was craving for dinner waiting for him. 

john walked up the steps, smiling as he saw sherlock on the landing, but it turned to a frown when he saw that sherlock had his coat and shoes on. "where are you going?" john asked. 

"there's a case. it's at least a nine." 

john sighed. "go." 

"really?"

john walked into the flat, setting his satchel on the coffee table. "i'm not going to say no. it's your job." he took his coat off. 

sherlock smiled. he stepped over to john. "tea is on the table and hudders is making that stew you love so much." he kissed john's cheek. 

"you better be back by eleven." 

"i will. love you!" sherlock shouted as he ran out of the flat. 

john sighed heavily, groaning as he still wasn't able to breathe through his nose. he took off his shoes before walking into the kitchen to grab his tea, taking it downstairs to mrs. hudson's with him.

after dinner and talking with mrs. hudson, john retreated back upstairs for a shower and more tea. it was around nine and he knew that he shouldn't except a text from sherlock, but he still did. just something to let john know that he was still out and hadn't caught the suspect yet. by the time john was in the shower he was starting to regret letting sherlock go out on a case by himself that was a nine. they both agreed that john would stay away from dangerous cases since he got stabbed and he's also sick, but it would have been nice to know that sherlock would have back up. the man never let anyone help him unless it was john or if greg made sherlock have back. 

half past eleven came around and john was in bed, staring at his phone as he waited for something from sherlock. he always texted if a case ran over. always. john had texted and even called once, but there was nothing and he was starting to get worried. he even called greg and greg said he didn't know where sherlock was. he said he sent sherlock home at ten thirty and watched him walk away. 

by the time midnight came, there was still nothing and john was both pissed off and worried. he paced around the living room as the line rang. this would be the fourth time he's called and all he gets is sherlock's stupid voice mail. 

"you fucking prick sherlock holmes. it is twelve thirty. you are not home yet, not a single word to lestrade, let alone me. your boyfriend. i have no idea where you are and i'm far past worried. you can be in danger, bleeding out in the middle of an alley or something even worse!" john inhaled deeply to calm himself. "you always text. always. just come home safe. please. i love you." 

john walked back to the bedroom, deciding it would be nice to try and get some sleep since he had to work and that he felt even more like shit. he set his phone on the side table then got into bed, rubbing his face as he sighed heavily. he pulled his hands away from his face and looked at sherlock's empty spot, sighing. 

maybe sherlock finally got sick of john. they don't have sex, so surely sherlock needed to have some kind of sexual pleasure. there has probably always been someone on the side fulfilling the needs of sherlock that john could never do. probably some guy sherlock met online and it had just become a usual thing and now sherlock has decided that he wants whoever instead of john. 

john sat up, looking at the picture of him and sherlock that john's mother took on sherlock's side table. surely sherlock hasn't been lying this whole time. he really does love john and doesn't care that they don't have sex. hopefully it's all true and not one big lie or that's another eight months wasted of john's life and he might as well just give up dating because it'll never work out. 

it was close three thirty when sherlock stepped into the flat. he took off his coat and shoes, quietly walking into the bedroom to find john asleep. he changed as quietly as he could before getting into bed, getting close to john, but john moved away. 

sherlock smelled of a cologne that he would never wear, even if he changed his clothes. the scent was still on him and john's heart dropped in his chest. it was true. there went another eight months wasted. he was a fool to think that he was good enough for sherlock. obviously nothing was good enough for him.


	10. the truth

in the morning, john was up before his alarm and decided to go in early, so that's what he did. he got out of bed and dressed with out sherlock even moving a muscle. when he was changing, he noticed sherlock's clothes from last night in the laundry hamper and the curious side of him pulled the shirt out and smelled it, smelling the same cologne. he set the shirt back in the hamper then looked at his jeans, seeing the faint white stain. john bit his lip and just left the jeans in the basket, leaving the bedroom. he put on his coat and grabbed his satchel and keys, leaving the flat, not sure if he really wanted to come back. 

when sherlock had woken up, he noticed john was gone and it was usually the time they got up. he got out of bed and went into the kitchen, seeing no one and there was also no one in the sitting room. he sighed and went to his coat, checking the pockets for his phone, but then he remembered his phone was smashed last night. hopefully john wasn't too mad that he didn't text that he was going to be late. he only intended to follow the suspect a few blocks after greg sent him home, but then it turned into a full chase and more people joined the suspect, this time they were after sherlock. he sighed and went to the bathroom, starting a shower and thinking about ways to approach john because obviously he was awake last night when sherlock got home. 

when five came around, john didn't walk through the door of the flat. he didn't smile and give sherlock a kiss as he took his tea, instead sherlock stood in the kitchen as he stared down at the cold tea. he really did make john mad and there was no way to reach him because sherlock didn't have a phone and he didn't know where john was because he gets home from work every day at five. mrs. hudson has a landline, but half the time john doesn't answer numbers that aren't saved in his phone so there was no point in that. he would just have to sit and wait. 

what has he done?

john walked up the steps of the flat feeling worse than ever. he really couldn't breathe out of his nose now, he has a headache and the best of all is that his throat is sore and talking with sherlock wouldn't make it feel better. he walked into the flat, seeing sherlock get up from his chair, but john turned his back to him, taking off his coat and shoes before walking into the kitchen. 

"you didn't come home last night." john said in a hoarse voice as he set his satchel on the kitchen table. "you didn't respond to my calls or texts and you came home smelling of a cologne you would never wear." john looked at sherlock, his eyes heavy and becoming glossy. "i don't want to believe it. i don't want to think this entire relationship has been a waste of my time, but the stain on your jeans finally led me to believing." 

sherlock instantly stepped forward, "it's not like that, john. i swear." 

john moved back. "the what is it, sherlock? i don't want to have sex and you have always said it doesn't matter. but obviously it does matter." he sniffled, trying to keep the water works back. 

"john, i swear i would never cheat on you." sherlock stepped closer a bit without john moving back. "i mean it when i say sex doesn't matter to me. it really doesn't."

"then let me see your phone." 

"what?"

"let me see your fucking phone, sherlock!" he yelled, but it wasn't much of yelling since his voice was hoarse. 

sherlock sighed and went to his coat, taking the broken phone out of the pocket before taking it over to john. "last night after greg sent me home, i followed the suspect. i only intended to go for a few blocks, but he had people following me and they attacked me." 

john took the phone, looking at it. "but the stain. and the cologne." 

"the cologne is from one of the men who tackled me and the stain is some kind of sealant they tried to put in my mouth to kill me." sherlock took the phone from john, setting it on the table before he took the smaller hands in his. "i would never cheat on you, john. not in a million years would i ever do." 

john looked up at sherlock. "is that a true story?"

"yes! you can even call greg and ask. he was the one that responded to my call." 

john sighed, wiping his eyes. "i'm tired and sick and pissed off." he took a step back. "just stay away for a bit, okay? i might physically strangle you." 

sherlock nodded. "do want something to eat? or tea?" 

"no." john said then turned, heading to the bathroom. 

around ten was when john emerged from the bedroom. he looked worse than before and sherlock just wanted to take care of john. that's all he's ever wanted to do and now he may have put their whole relationship on the line. 

"i shouldn't be mad because you could have gotten killed last night, but i am." john's voice was almost gone. he crossed his arms as he looked at sherlock who was sitting at the desk. "and i have the right to be because it was a set rule in the beginning of this relationship that you do not go out on cases higher than a five by yourself without letting me know. and you did last night. you could have died, sherlock. it terrifies me when i don't know where you are or what you're doing because i could lose you. i have already lost two people i love in my life and i sure as hell won't lose another because he's a buggering idiot who thinks he can do anything by himself like take on five criminals who are all murders working in the same chain!" john sighed shakily. "it's hard on me and i can't keep doing it."

sherlock stood up, walking to john and pulling him into a hug. "i'm deeply sorry, john." he kissed the doctor's head. "it won't happen again. i promise."

"i can't lose you." john said softly. "i can't." 

"you won't. i promise." sherlock cupped the doctor's cheeks. "i will never do anything like that again." 

john nodded, wiping his face with the sleeve of his jumper. "when you're finished in here come to bed please." 

"are you sure you don't want anything to eat? or at least a cup of tea?" sherlock held john's hands. "you need something." 

john sighed softly. "i might throw up. i'm just gonna go to bed. save the tea for in the morning." 

sherlock leaned down and kissed john's forehead gently. "i love you." 

"i love you, too." john whispered as he let go of sherlock's hands. he turned and walked back to their bedroom, leaving the door open a bit before he lay down.


	11. christmas

christmas was spent at mrs. watson's cottage and it was the first time in years sherlock had a homely christmas. christmas eve they stayed up, sherlock helping mrs. watson prepare her meal for her christmas dinner at her church as john sat and watched the two, enjoying that sherlock got along so well with his mother. 

"mum, tell sherlock the story about the christmas when i was seventeen." john said then watched his mother light up. 

"what story?" sherlock asked, looking between his boyfriend and his mother. 

"well," mrs. watson started, "it was a year after he came out and hamish always wanted john to be comfortable and we had talked with him about the top surgery before, but john thought that we weren't going to help him pay for it until his father went around raising money. any way, that christmas you should have seen the look on his face when we gave him the papers with the information of him meeting with a doctor in london for his surgery." mrs. watson smiled at her son. "the happiest i've ever seen him. besides with you, sherlock." she looked at the detective. 

sherlock smiled then looked at john. "why didn't you tell me?" 

"mum always loves telling it." 

"and i have a video!" she exclaimed. 

"and she has the video." 

sherlock laughed softly as he watched mrs. watson run off to the living room. "the dear video!" she exclaimed from the living room. 

sherlock walked around the counter and to john, waiting for him to get up with his cup of tea before they made their way to the living room. they sat on the sofa in front of the telly as mrs. watson popped the vhs into the media player. 

"it always makes me so happy to see this." mrs. watson said as she sat in the chair, her attention fixed on the tv. 

"it's just an envelope." teen john said as he held the envelope.

"open it!" the voice of mr. watson said as he appeared in the frame. 

john glanced at his mom who was holding the camera then to his father before ripping open the envelope. he took the paper out that was inside then unfolded it, reading through it before freezing. "no."

"yes!" mr. watson exclaimed. 

a wide grin grew on john's face as he looked at his father then to his mother. "really? is it going to happen?" 

"you've got the paper, what else do you need?" the voice of john's sister came. 

"harriet." mrs. watson said sternly. 

john got up and hugged his father, the papers clenched in his fist as he said something that the camera didn't pick up, then his father said something back. at this point john was crying tears of joy as he went to his mother. 

"thank you, mum." 

"of course, dear. anything to make you happy." 

the tv screen became black as the video ended and mrs. watson got up, ejecting the tape. 

"do you have anymore videos, marie?" sherlock asked. 

"mum, no." john instantly said. 

"of course i do! what kind of a mother would i be if i didn't document my children and their christmases?" she asked as she put the vhs back into its case. 

"how about we watch them tomorrow." john suggested. 

"mmm, i think at least one more should be watched tonight." sherlock looked at john. "just one and i won't ask for any more." 

"you better keep your word." john said then looked at his mother. "the christmas from when i was three. sherlock will enjoy that one." 

mrs. watson smiled as she went through her basket of home videos, taking out one that was labeled 1993 and popped it into the media player. 

the home video was of little john as he walked around the christmas tree before getting tripped by a present and then mr. watson coming into the frame, picking up baby john and sitting on the floor with him as young harry started to pull presents from under the tree. the video cut to scenes of little john babbling nonsense as he was more interested in the box that his present was in rather than the actual present. then it went to scenes of john smiling and dancing around to the christmas music with his sister, then he danced with his dad, standing on his feet as he moved around. 

sherlock gently kissed john's head as he smiled at the video that was still going. it was nice, being able to see john in his younger ages and for john to be comfortable about them watching it. 

by the time the two got into bed it was late. they watched another home film before sherlock helped mrs. watson clean up the kitchen then went to the guest room with john once mrs. watson told them to go. they lay in bed, tiredness heavy in both of them as they looked at each other, a lazy smiled splayed across both of their faces. 

"tomorrow evening, while your mum is out, we're going out to dinner." sherlock said softly. 

"is that a demand or request?" 

"both."

john laughed softly. "we'd have to go to the next town over. there's no good places here." 

"as long as i'm with you, i will be happy." sherlock pulled john against him, giving him a quick kiss. 

in the morning, the couple woke up and went downstairs to see mrs. watson with a few presents on the table along with a tray of tea. sherlock sat on the sofa as he watched john pull the few presents out from under the tree. 

"mum, sit down." john said as he watched his mother put a record on. 

"give me a minute!" she said then placed the needle down, turning the volume down some so the voice of frank sinatra wasn't too loud. she went over to the chair she was in last night and sat down. 

"sherlock got you a present, and so did i." he said then handed his mother the two presents. 

she took them. "you boys didn't have to!" 

"we wanted to." john sat down next to sherlock, feeling sherlock's arm go around his shoulders. "open sherlock's first." 

mrs. watson set the wrapped box from john gently on the ground before unwrapping sherlock's. when she opened the box, her eyes became wide then she looked at sherlock. "where did you find it?" 

sherlock smiled, "i know someone. and i remember how much john said you needed one to complete your collection."

mrs. watson took out the hand carved norwegian troll out of the box, setting the box as she stood up. "my mum could never find one." she said as she set the troll on the shelf with the others, taking a step back to admire it. she turned around and smiled at sherlock. "thank you, so much sherlock." 

"of course," he smiled back. 

mrs. watson looked at the complete collection passed down from her mother before sitting down again. "alright, john, i hope you can beat that." she said as she picked up john's gift. 

"i think i did." john said as he watched his mother unwrap the box. "i found it when i was going through my things when i moved in with sherlock." he watched his mom gasp softly once she moved the tissue paper out of the way. 

"i though i had lost it!" she exclaimed softly as she took the picture frame out. 

"it got mixed into my things when i moved out i suppose." 

she looked up at her son with tears in her eyes. "thank you, john." 

john got up from the sofa, going to his mom and giving her a hug. "always, mom." he said then pulled away, looking down at the framed picture of his parents when they were younger, at his dad's academy graduation. 

"i got you boys something too." she said then gestured to the box on the coffee table before wiping the tears from her face. 

john picked up the box before sitting down next to sherlock again. he started to unwrap it, sherlock collecting the paper from him. 

"there isn't a lot in there, but martha has sent me some that she has taken of you two and a few that i managed to snap while you were here for my birthday." mrs. watson said. 

john took the photo album out of the box, smiling as he opened it to the first page. it was him and sherlock on their first date when mrs. hudson made them stand together like teenagers going on their first date. "so that's why you asked for mrs. hudson's information?" he looked at his mom. 

she nodded. "i didn't know what else's to get you two. it was that or matching jumpers that were quite hideous." 

sherlock laughed softly. "well thank you for saving us from the embarrassment." 

"of course. but just be on the look out for next year."

they sat in the living room for a little longer, enjoying the tea mrs. watson made as the couple looked throw the photo album, smiling at their best moments captured by either mrs. hudson or john's mom. all the pictures were amazing and there is still plenty of space for them to fill with more pictures as their relationship grows. 

sherlock knew exactly what photo was going to placed in the album next. all he needed was for john to say yes.


	12. next level

"ready, babe?" sherlock asked as he poked his head into the guest room to see john putting on his shoes. "if you take any longer we won't be able to be seated." 

"did you start the car?" john asked as he laced his shoe up quickly. 

"when you asked ten minutes ago. now come on slow poke, we've got food to eat." sherlock turned and went back downstairs. 

john scoffed and shook his head, standing up from the bed and grabbing his coat before following after sherlock. he got into the car, looking at sherlock. "what?" john asked. 

sherlock smiled. "my boyfriend is adorable, that's what." 

john's cheeks became pink as he looked away, putting his seat belt on. "like you said, we won't be seated if you take longer." 

"my apologies for complementing your beauty." sherlock said as he put the car in reverse, backing out of the driveway. 

john scoffed. "you're annoying." 

"i know." sherlock put the car in drive, heading in the direction the gps told him as he reached for the smaller hand of his boyfriend, intertwining their fingers. he glanced at john with a smile for a second before putting his attention back on the road, bringing john's hand up to his mouth and kissing the back of it. 

john's cheeks became a deeper shade. "so annoying." he said with a smile. 

when they got to one of the very few restaurants in the next town over, they managed to get a table for two and they were very lucky because it was the last one and they had beat a different couple.

during the dinner the two talked and smiled with each other. sherlock had his hand over the small ring box imprint in his pocket the entire time, thinking of when it would be the right time to ask. he thought he would be able to just ask, but it became a lot harder than he thought. every time he thought the moment was right, he would grab john's attention and showed him and compliments and how amazing his life has been since john came in the picture, but he just couldn't get those four simple words out and it was starting to aggravate sherlock. it is just four words. that's all it is, but sherlock cannot manage to say a single one to the man sitting across from him who he loves and wants to spend the rest of his life with. it really shouldn't be that hard, but it is. 

before dessert, john excused himself for the loo and that's when sherlock took the ring out. of course, it was when john was in the loo and could not see. sherlock opened the box to look at the thin gold band before snapping it closed, setting it across the table where john sat. he looked at the box, thinking of this was really how he wanted to do it. they haven't even been together for a year, surely it's too early. and they're still young. they still have their whole lives ahead of them and sherlock really does hope he can spend his with john, but what if john doesn't want the same. then sherlock remembered he hasn't even brought up the topic of marriage or asked marie for her blessing. 

sherlock sighed and noticed john walking back to the table, distracted by the party coming in so sherlock quickly grabbed the box and shoved it back into his pocket. he smiled at john who sat down again. 

"so, what are we going to do after this?" john asked, resting his chin in his hand. 

"that is completely up to you, love. i don't know the area." sherlock leaned forward some, placing his forearms on the table. 

"we could walk around some, get some coffee then walk around or we could just go back to the house and have a nice evening." john gave sherlock a sly wink. 

"it's supposed to snow tonight, correct?" 

john nodded. 

"and say it did, would your mum stay at her friends house?" 

john nodded, "we would be by ourselves." 

sherlock smirked. "i like that. i like that a lot." 

"i new you would." john slotted his feet between sherlock's, staring at sherlock with heart eyes. 

half way back to the cottage it started to snow and they were lucky they made it back safely because it started to snow harder. when they got to the cottage, sherlock started a fire as john talked on the phone with his mother, telling her that they were home and safe and that they would pick her up in the morning if the roads were clear.

"and i'll make sure sherlock doesn't burn the house down." john said, earning a look from sherlock. john laughed softly, "i love you, too, mum. i'll see you in the morning." the doctor put his phone back into his pocket before walking to sherlock who was standing at the fireplace. 

sherlock placed his hands on john's hips, pulling him closer. "you know, i'm perfectly capable of maintaining a proper fire." 

john smiled as he wrapped his arms around the detective's neck. "i know. i just like seeing you get all defensive." 

"you do it all the time." 

"it's because i love you." 

"oh, is it?" sherlock raised a brow. "that's how you show your love?" he leaned in closer to john. 

john nodded slowly. "it's attractive when you do it. i find it sexy." 

"oh?"

john laughed softly. "if only you saw what i saw." 

"what i see is a beautiful doctor in front of me that i'm about to kiss." sherlock said softly. 

"what are you waiting for? an invitation?" 

sherlock smiled, leaning in and kissing john deeply, his arms wrapping around the doctor's waist, keeping him close. 

john pulled away slowly, smiling up at sherlock. "can we try something tonight?" 

sherlock nodded. "what would we be doing?" 

"a bath. together. with lots of bubbles."

"i would enjoy that very much." 

"okay," john nodded. he rolled onto the balls of his feet and gave sherlock another kiss before pulling away, taking sherlock's hands. "you start the bath and i'm gonna get.. ready." 

"take your time, love." sherlock gently pecked john's forehead. 

john smiled then turned away, going to the guest room as sherlock went into the bathroom. sherlock went to the tub and turned the faucet on, looking around for the bubbles and finding them in the cupboard under the sink. 

when the bath was ready, sherlock went to the guest room and knocked gently on the door, stepping back as the door opened and john appeared dressed in his robe. sherlock softly took the smaller hand of the doctor, directing him into the bathroom. he stepped aside, closing the door before looking at john and giving him a timid smile. 

"is this okay?" sherlock asked. 

john nodded. "i'm just not sure about," he gestured to the robe. 

"hold on a sec." sherlock quickly got undressed, not feeling awkward about it because john has seen him naked plenty of times before. he got into the tub, sinking down in it before looking at john. "i will close my eyes while you get in. okay?" 

john nodded then watched sherlock tilt his head back and close his eyes. the doctor looked down at the knot of the robe, tugging it free. he took a deep breath, letting the robe slip off of his shoulders and onto the ground. he has never been as comfortable in his body as he wishes he could be, but he's making progress. and progress is good. he stepped into the tub, sitting in between sherlock's legs and leaning against his chest. it was a nice feeling with the warmth of the water and the feeling of sherlock behind him. he really has been missing out. 

"everything okay?" sherlock asked as he placed his hands on john's shoulders. "you're tense. relax, babe." he gently started massaging john's shoulders. 

john hummed softly. "that's really nice." he relaxed some. 

sherlock's hands went a bit lower, working out the tense spots of the doctor's back. "you work yourself too much, love."

john sighed, relaxing fully against sherlock. "i know, but i have you to give me amazing massages." 

sherlock laughed softly, placing a kiss to the back of john's shoulder. he ran a hand through john's hair, looking down at the doctor that was resting on his shoulder. "i'm proud of you." 

john closed his eyes, smiling. "you're always proud of me." 

"because you're always doing things outside of your comfort zone. like this." 

john opened his eyes again. "i thought about it durning dinner and now i realize what i've been missing." 

sherlock huffed out a laugh. he let john take his hand and compare the sizes. sherlock's was definitely bigger than john's, but that was okay. it gave more enjoyment to sherlock when he held john's little baby hands. 

"would you want to have sex with me?" john asked, looking up at sherlock again. 

sherlock looked down at john. 

"you've only been with men and i'm a man, but i don't have the same things as a man does. i'm sure you'd want something other than what i have." 

sherlock was quiet for a moment as he was thinking. "i've never thought about it much," he said, "and i'm a gay man, not saying you aren't, but i've never done it unless it's a... man, ya know?" 

john nodded. "so it's a no." he sat up. 

"hey, baby, no. no, not at all." sherlock pulled john to him again. "what i'm trying to say is that, i'm as inexperienced as you are in that area, but if you want it, if you really want it, i wouldn't mind. it'll take some getting used to, but i would do it." 

john nodded and relaxed against sherlock, closing his eyes and sighing as he felt sherlock leave soft kisses all over his shoulders and neck. john smiled and giggled when sherlock blew a soft raspberry on his neck. "sherlock stop!" he laughed. 

sherlock smiled and blew another one on john's shoulder, wrapping his arms around the doctor so he couldn't escape. he blew another one then stopped, pulling away to admire the smiling doctor resting against him. a smile grew on sherlock's face as he felt the bubbles on his face. 

"payback!" john smiled. 

sherlock laughed softly and wiped the bubbles off his face, shaking them off his hand before he turned his attention back on john. "can i kiss you?" he asked the doctor softly. 

"you don't have to ask." john said then leaned in and was the one who kissed sherlock. 

sherlock brought a hand to the side of the doctor's face, cupping his cheek as the kiss became more intense. 

john pulled away for a second to turn around and sit in sherlock's lap, starting the kiss again. it was a new experience for john and he liked this. he liked being able to be so close to sherlock with out feeling like he needed to be fully clothed or be six inches apart from him like that stupid school rule. he pulled away from the kiss and took sherlock's hands that weren't touching anything and placed them on his hips. 

sherlock looked up at john, asking with his eyes and john nodded. sherlock moved his hands down to john's arse, cupping what is normally the forbidden fruit. he kept his hands there as he leaned in and kissed john's neck, john gasping softly as his teeth gently nipped the skin. 

"sherlock," john said. 

sherlock instantly pulled away from john, taking his hands off of john and keeping them to himself. "too much?" 

john shook his head. "i want to take this to bed." he leaned in and kissed under the detective's ear, his hands falling into sherlock's lap. "i can solve your little problem."

sherlock bit his lip and held back a moan. "god, yes." 

john smirked and stood up, stepping out of the tub. he turned around when he picked up his robe, looking at sherlock who had his eyes closed again. "you can look, sherlock. i'm okay with it." he held his robe over his groin. 

sherlock opened his eyes and smirked at his boyfriend. "go on," he said as he stood up. "i'll be there in a second." he stepped out of the tub, watching john turn around then watching him and his amazing body walk out the door. 

new limits were set that night and john felt completely comfortable bare around sherlock.


	13. birthday boy

sherlock walked into his office at the yard, stopping in the door way when he saw the vase of flowers sitting on his desk along with a small box from his favorite bakery. he smiled to himself and set his vanilla files down on his desk before turning around and seeing his boyfriend standing there with a giant smile on his face and a small gift bag. 

"happy birthday!" john cheered as he walked to sherlock. 

sherlock laughed softly, leaning down and giving john a kiss. "thank you, but you know i don't like flowers." 

"oh i know, they're from mum. she doesn't know." 

"ah," sherlock turned his head and looked at the flowers again, "i suppose i need to text her then." he gave his attention back to his boyfriend. 

john nodded then held up the gift bag. 

"i said no gifts." sherlock said as he took the bag. 

"i know, but i saw it and thought that you would enjoy having it." 

sherlock opened the bag, taking the tissue paper out to reveal a mega minix speed rubik's cube. he took the cube out and looked at it. "what's the world record?"

"twenty-nine point ninety-three seconds." john said as he watched his boyfriend open the package excitedly like a kid on christmas. "now if you ever complain that you are bored, you have that." 

sherlock smiled as he took the cube out of the plastic, holding it in his hands as he examined it. "do you think i could beat it?"

john shrugged. "maybe. you might trip over your intellect in the process." 

"oh, ha ha." sherlock said then set the cube on his desk. he pulled john to him, smiling down at his boyfriend. "thank you." 

john got on his toes to press a kiss to sherlock's lips. "you are welcome. i've got to get back to the clinic, my break is almost over." 

sherlock wrapped his arms around john's waist. "but i want you to stay," he whined. 

john chuckled softly. "and i want to keep my job." john rolled his eyes at sherlock's puppy eyes. "i will see you at home." 

sherlock pouted, "one more kiss." 

john smiled, giving sherlock another kiss before being freed from the detective's arms. "i love you." 

"i love you, too." 

john waved at sherlock as he walked out of his office, heading for lift. 

sherlock turned around and threw the plastic away from the rubik's cube and the gift bag. he sat at his desk, staring at the cube before his eyes discovered the cupcake again and he gladly reached for it, opening it to reveal a red velvet cupcake along with a note. 

it's not as sweet as me, but it's sweet enough. happy birthday, love. the big thirty is something to be proud of. -john xxx

he smiled and took the note out, opening his desk drawer and placing it with all the other notes john has left him. he relaxed into his chair as he ate his cupcake, still staring at the rubik's cube, thinking about how to solve it. 

when sherlock got home from work, he was ready to have a nice evening with john, enjoy some cake then the company of his significant other, and that was exactly what he got. he hung up his coat, set his bag down and toed his shoes off before walking over to john who was standing at the stove and wrapping his arms around the doctor. 

"is that my favorite mac and cheese i smell?" sherlock asked into john's neck. 

"and my mothers mashed potatoes that you love, along with someone's favorite chicken nuggets that are also in the shape of dinosaurs." 

"you really do want me to have a good birthday, you never get me dino nuggets." sherlock kisses john's cheek. "thank you." 

john turned his head, giving sherlock a kiss. "go wash up while i set the table." 

sherlock gave john another kiss, letting it linger before pulling away softly and heading to their bedroom. he changed out of his work clothes and into a pair of shorts with a tee shirt before going into the bathroom to wash his hands. when he walked back out to the kitchen, the table was set and there was a plate of his favorite food waiting for him. he sat down with a smile as john set a wine glass in front of him. 

"you are honestly a child." he said as he watched sherlock stuff a spoonful of mac and cheese into his mouth. 

"it's just so good!" sherlock hummed as he took another bite. 

john laughed softly, shaking his head as he poured sherlock a glass of wine. "don't eat too fast, you'll make yourself sick." he sat down across from his boyfriend, pouring his own glass of wine. he smiled at how happy sherlock was to have the dinner of an actual six year old. he should have gave him a glass of milk instead of wine. 

after dinner, john took out the small cake that mrs. hudson has made for sherlock and of course it was his favorite, red velvet. he set the cake on the table, getting out a few candles and a lighter. 

"you have to make a wish." john said as he placed the candles in the cake. "it will taste a thousand times better if you do." 

sherlock smiled. "will it?" he placed a hand on the small of john's back. 

"yes it will." the doctor lit the candles, stepping away and going around the side of the table. "i want a picture." 

"john, no." sherlock said and covered his face as john held up his phone. 

"please," john begged. "just one. for me, baby." 

sherlock sighed, taking his hand away from his face and giving the camera a lopsided smile as john took the picture. "that was your one. now i want to eat my cake." 

john started a video. "blow out your candles. and make sure you make a wish." 

sherlock laughed softly before leaning over and blowing out the candles, smiling up at john. "oh look, my wish came true." 

john's cheeks became pink. "what was it?" 

"i can't tell you, that's bad luck! what are you, mad?" 

"i'm in love with you, of course i am." john stopped the video, tucking his phone into his pocket as he walked around the table. he leaned down and gave sherlock a kiss before being pulled into the detective's lap. john giggled, keeping the kiss in contact as he cupped the cheek of his boyfriend. 

sherlock pulled away slowly, looking at john. "i say we take this cake in there, pop in a dvd and sit in front of the fire as we eat it." 

"that sounds lovely." john brought up a finger that was covered in frosting and rubbed the frosting onto sherlock's nose, laughing softly. 

sherlock scoffed and reached around john, scooping up icing with his own finger and smearing it along john's cheek. 

john smiled and got more icing again, with a bit of cake and let his hand run down the face of the detective. he laughed as he watched sherlock's face drop then got up quickly. 

"get back here, john!" sherlock yelled playfully as he chased john, grabbing the doctor by the hips. 

"no!" he squealed, laughing as sherlock picked him up and carried him to the kitchen again. 

sherlock held tightly onto john as he went to where the tube of icing sat on the counter, putting a load of it on his hand before rubbing it along the face of the doctor. 

john scoffed, "sherlock!" 

sherlock let him go, laughing softly as he watched the doctor turn around. "payback, darling." 

john rolled his eyes. "you're a twat! i didn't smear a handful icing down your face!" he whined as he grabbed a dish towel.

sherlock leaned down and kissed john's cheek, licking up a bit of the icing. "yes, but you're even sweeter now." 

john laughed softly, giving sherlock a playful shove. "i'm going to wash this off, you start the fire and find a film." 

"i don't get to wash my face?" 

"use the sink right there," john pointed to the kitchen sink before walking out of the kitchen and to the bathroom. 

later in the night, sherlock lay on the floor with a sleeping john on his chest as he watched the videos john took of him on his phone. the first one was him blowing his candles out then the second one was of him singing along softly to the movie that they watched. when sherlock caught john, john laughed which was music to sherlock's ear and he could listen to it on a continuous loop. he set john's phone down and ran a hand through the sandy blond hair of the doctor, placing a kiss to his temple softly. 

this was the first birthday in years he wasn't alone. he had john. and it was probably one of his best birthdays because it wasn't spent alone, he wasn't forced to socialize, he was able to smile and laugh with the man he loves. john's birthday was in three months and sherlock was already planning something amazing.


	14. proposal?

sherlock was sitting at the desk, filling out paperwork as john came storming into the flat, his feet stomping hard enough he could have put a hole through the floor. he turned his head and watched john take off his satchel, setting it down the. taking off his coat, revealing the stain of throw up on him jumper. 

"what?" john asked harshly, glaring at his boyfriend. 

sherlock turned back to his papers before listening to john storm off down the hallway as he muttered things to himself until he reached the bathroom. the detective focused on his work again, getting most of it done until john came into the sitting room after his shower. 

the doctor sat across from sherlock with his satchel, taking out his laptop and opening it, pressing the power button harshly. "c'mon." john muttered as he repeatedly hit the space bar. "are you fucking serious?" he asked his laptop as it turned off again. 

sherlock watched his boyfriend bend over and grab his satchel, taking out his laptop charger, plugging it into the wall. john plugged the charger in and got the computer to turn on again, but it quickly froze again and that's when john lost it. 

"stupid fucking piece of shite!" he shouted at his laptop as he slammed it shut. he stood up and stopped himself from throwing it across the room, but instead dropped it onto the ground. "all i wanted was to do my work, but no, the whole fucking universe is against me today." he said angrily as he went into the kitchen. 

"is it now?" sherlock asked, watching his boyfriend fill up the kettle. 

"yes!" he exclaimed. "on my way to the clinic, i got to sit next to a child who constantly hit me for the hell of it and the mother didn't do anything because she was on the phone!" he set the kettle down with anger. "then when i got to the clinic, stupid sarah wasn't there and i had to take all her patients because derek didn't want to do more work than he needed to and kelsey is in her own little world." he turned and looked at sherlock. 

"then of course, the stomach flu just has to be going around and i got thrown up on three times! three! and twice by the same kid!" he took a short inhale. "i only had one change of clothes and the third time was by some grown man who was fully capable of vomiting in the bin, but he just preferred my jumper more. and then fucking derek wouldn't let me borrow his pair and i could have strangled him, sherlock! i really could have." 

"really?" sherlock as as he stood up from the desk. 

john nodded. "he tested my nerves today and i will be talking to sarah tomorrow about him being fired or something because i'm tired of his shit!"

sherlock walked through the kitchen, "i'm still listening," he said as he went into the bedroom. 

"and then i have to do some kind of filing for sarah's patients and my stupid fucking computer is old and definitely is now broken. and i almost forgot! i stepped in a pile of shit on my way home! on the bloody sidewalk! we have parks for a reason!" 

sherlock grabbed his own laptop as john ranted, taking it out to the kitchen, handing it to his boyfriend. "go and work. i will make you a cup." 

john took the laptop from sherlock. "thank you," he got rid of his anger for just a second to smile up at sherlock. he went back into the sitting room and went to the desk, sitting down and logging onto sherlock's laptop, starting his work. 

sherlock made two cups of tea, taking them both to the desk and setting one by john before his sat down with his own. john seemed to calm down, but sherlock could still the anger in his boyfriend from how hard he was hitting the keys when he typed. 

"what did you want for dinner?" sherlock asked then took a swig of his tea. 

john shrugged. "just order whatever." 

he was definitely still angry. sherlock took out his phone and got up, going onto the landing and putting in an order at john's favorite pizza place. he went back to the desk and sat down, starting on his paper work again as he waited for dinner to arrive.

when the pizza arrived, john stayed glued to his work, eating bits here and there, wanting to get everything done in one sitting. sherlock finished his paper work, but still sat at the desk with john, going through emails on his phone. 

once john finally finished, he closed sherlock's laptop and set it to the side, looking at his boyfriend who was sitting in his chair. he got up from the desk and went to sherlock, sitting in his lap. 

"i'm sorry for the shouting," john apologized softly. "and the not communicating." 

sherlock placed a hand on the small of john's back. "it's alright, babe. you had a bad day, you're allowed to come home and shout abuse." 

john smiled softly, resting his head on sherlock's shoulder. "come to bed with me?" 

"go on, i'll be there in a minute or two." sherlock kisses the side of john's head. 

john got up, going to their bedroom as sherlock did something, he wasn't paying attention, he just wanted to go to bed. he changed into his pajama bottoms then opened sherlock's drawer of jumpers and moved some out of the way until he found the one he wanted. he pulled it out, hearing something scrape against the wood on the bottom so he stuck his hand under the pile of folded jumpers, feeling the small box. john quickly glanced behind him before pulling out the small box and opening it to reveal the thin golden band. john stared in shock down at the ring before quickly shoving it back where it came from once he heard sherlock's steps coming down the corridor. 

"quit taking my jumpers." sherlock said as he closed the door. 

john shut the drawer, turning to sherlock. "they smell like you. and they're very warm." he put the jumper on, smiling at sherlock. 

"you have your own." sherlock said as he walked over to john. 

"but i like yours better." 

"of course you do." sherlock leaned down and gave john a kiss. "i love you." 

"i love you more." 

"impossible." sherlock walked around john, unbuttoning his shirt as he did. 

john sat on the bed, watching sherlock undress. "no, not really." 

sherlock looked over his shoulder at john and flashed him that crooked smile before he took off his work shirt, tossing it at the hamper. 

"but you are rather handsome." john scooted back until he felt the headboard behind him. 

"am i?" sherlock asked as he dropped his trousers, stepping out of them, leaving him in his black boxers. 

"mmm, quite." john admired sherlock's body. 

sherlock turned around and kneeled onto the bed, grabbing the doctor's ankles and pulling him down. 

john laughed, "what was that for?" 

sherlock smiled and leaned down, "so i could do this." he kissed his boyfriend deeply.

they were settled in bed after john got tickled and sherlock got a foot in his stomach, on accident of course. john was still apologizing once they were both laying down and sherlock laughed it off, saying he was fine. now that sherlock had his arms wrapped around john's waist, his front pressed to the doctor's back, john was only able to think about the ring he found. did sherlock think he is ready to propose? how long has he had the ring?

john told himself to calm down and just forget about it. it would be a while until sherlock proposed because john knew sherlock and that man would back out of it multiple times before he could actually do it.


	15. surprise

john woke up to the sound of dresser drawers opening and closing. he sat up, rubbing his face before he looked at his boyfriend putting clothes into a small suitcase. "what're you doing?" john asked groggily. 

sherlock looked at his boyfriend and smiled. "it's a surprise. now get up, we have to go soon." 

john groaned and lay back down, pulling his phone off the side table and off the charger. "sherlock, it's four thirty in the morning." 

"and you have thirty minutes to get ready." 

"where are we going?" john sat up again. 

sherlock smiled as he closed the suitcase. "that's a surprise, my dear watson." he zipped the suitcase up. 

"but it's too early, and i have work." 

"not today you don't. or this weekend. or monday." sherlock set the suitcase by the door next to john's before sitting on the side of the bed. "and what is today?" 

"my birthday. and you woke me up at four thirty in the bloody morning packing a suitcase!" john gave sherlock a shove. "you scared me!" 

sherlock smiled and patted john's knee. "get ready, i'll make breakfast while you do." he gave john a chaste kiss before standing up. "what did you want?"

"surprise me." john said with a smile. 

sherlock leaned down and gave john another kiss before walking out of the bedroom, grabbing both of the suitcases as he did so. 

after an amazing breakfast with john's favorite omelettes that sherlock make, they were on their way to the train station, john nursing his coffee as sherlock dragged him around. john didn't know where they were going and he was too tired to care, and followed sherlock wherever he went until they were seated and that's when john fell against sherlock and fell asleep. 

it was around seven fifteen when sherlock woke john up because they had arrived to their destination. john was still confused about what was going on, but held sherlock's hand as they got off the train and walked through the station half awake, dragging his suitcase behind him. 

"babe, where are we?" john asked as he leaned against sherlock as they were walking through the station to board another train. 

"it's a surprise. just keep holding my hand and you'll be sleeping again soon." sherlock said and pecked the side of john's head. 

john grunted as he continued to let sherlock pull him across the train station. 

it wasn't until they were in a hotel and john was laying on top of a nice, big bed that he realized where they were. he sat up and looked at sherlock, then through the window, then back at sherlock. 

"when the did we get to paris?" john asked, looking back at the window at the view of the eiffel tower in the distance. 

sherlock laughed softly, sitting on the bed next to john. "you were barely awake the whole trip here. happy birthday, love." 

john smiled and kissed sherlock deeply. "but how? how did you plan and pay for all of this?" 

"i have my ways." sherlock gave john another kiss. "rest some, baby. we've got a night of excitement ahead of us."

"how did i get so lucky?" john asked. 

"the right place at the right time." sherlock said then gave john another kiss. "happy birthday." 

john smiled softly and lay back again, feeling sherlock get up from the bed. 

when john woke up it was a bit after noon and sherlock was sitting next to him, deep in a book. john sat up, resting against sherlock's shoulder. "whatcha reading?" john asked groggily. 

"refreshing my french a bit." sherlock closed the book and looked down at john. 

"you speak french?" 

sherlock nodded as he set the book down on the side table. "took it all through school and with my massive intellect, as you kindly put it, i picked it up very easily and had my own private class with the teacher." 

"what a shocker." john said sarcastically, stretching out. he looked at sherlock, who was pouting and gave him a smile. "i'm only teasing, love. you know i'm amazed by how much you have up there." john gave sherlock's forehead a gentle poke. 

sherlock huffed out a laugh. "i like to hear it though. and not in sarcasm." 

john gave sherlock a chaste kiss. "i'm just showing my love," he got out of bed, walking to the bathroom. 

"funny way of showing it." sherlock responded. "especially if our anniversary is in a day." 

"i just love you so much i show it in a different way." john said from the bathroom. 

sherlock laughed. "i think you're just jealous." 

"oh i'm sure that's what it is." john came out of the bathroom, his hands still wet and flicked the water at sherlock. "i'm not jealous of your smarts, i'm just madly in love with you that i make sarcastic jokes about your smarts so you know i acknowledge them." 

"yea? you also flick water at me." 

john shrugged. "what can i say? i'm just so full of love." he smiled and laughed as sherlock rolled his eyes. john straddled sherlock's lap. "i really do love you, sherlock." 

sherlock placed his hands on john's hips. "i know you do, baby." he gave him a kiss. "and i love you, too." 

john smiled fondly before getting off of sherlock. he lay down, placing his head in his boyfriend's lap as he looked up at sherlock. "what is the plan for this weekend?" 

sherlock combed a hand through john's hair. "well, tonight we will be celebrating you turning twenty nine and i will be taking you out somewhere very special then give you a special gift." 

john whined softly, "i said no gifts!" 

"i know, but you'll love this one. trust me, baby." 

"it's a good thing i do." 

sherlock chuckled softly then continued, "tomorrow we can lay in bed for hours then go out and look at the shops and such, get lunch while we're out then go back to the hotel and figure out what to do for dinner." 

"and our anniversary?" 

"we can do whatever you want. i didn't want to decide anything without you." sherlock gave john's hair a light ruffle, causing the blond to laugh softly. 

"what time are we going to eat?" john asked. 

sherlock smoothed john's hair out again. "reservation are at six so we'll leave here around half past five." 

"hmmm, more time to rest." john hummed as he hurried his face into sherlock's abdomen. 

"you just took a nap!"

john gently punched sherlock's side. "it's my birthday, shut it." he mumbled as he got comfortable.

sherlock scoffed softly, watching john close his eyes. "we are going out tonight, even if you are tired." 

"yeah, sure." john muttered.


	16. proposal

john was getting out of the shower when sherlock had knocked on the door, saying he was going to run down to the lobby to check something quickly then left. john walked out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist and stopped and stared at the box on the bed. he walked over to it, seeing the red bow on the corner along with a note. 

‘i thought you would like this. you will look absolutely astonishing in it. happy birthday, love.’ -sherlock

john set the note aside and opened the box, pushing the tissue paper out of the way to reveal a black button up shirt that had small flowers that were a light shade of pink, blue and white. john smiled to himself, laughing softly as he thought about how a piece of clothing could make him fall in love even more with sherlock if it was possible. he took the shirt out of the box and laid it out on the bed as he went to his suitcase and dug our what to wear with it. his sneaky bastard of a boyfriend had it planned out and already packed john's nice pair of jeans and oxfords, knowing john was going to want to wear them. 

there was a knock on the door and john had to quickly lace up his shoe before he went and answered the door. he opened it to see a certain detective standing there with a lopsided smile on his face as he looked at john. 

"wow," he said with a small chuckle. "it looks even better than i thought it would." 

john smiled shyly, his cheeks becoming red. "thank you. i love it." he looked down at the shirt. "where did you find it?" he looked at sherlock. 

"i had it custom made. i said what i wanted to a designer and he made it."

"sherlock, that must've cost a lot! i don't want you spending that much money on me!" 

sherlock placed his hands on john's hips, pulling the doctor flush against him. "i wanted to." he wrapped a single arm around john's waist, the other coming up to cup the cheek of the smaller man. 

"but i don't-"

"yes you do. you do deserve it, john watson. you deserve the whole world and if i could, i would give it to you." 

john sighed softly, smiling up at sherlock. "i love you." 

sherlock gave john a chaste kiss. "i love you, too. happy birthday, baby." he gave him another kiss that wasn't so chaste. 

they left the hotel after a quick snog session and on their way to celebrate john's birthday. dinner at a very nice restaurant was lined up with constant compliments from a certain detective that had john as red as a tomato the whole night. they shared a desert, which was a small piece of chocolate cake that john revived after getting 'happy birthday' sang to him by sherlock. it was a perfect night and john was even more thankful for sherlock in his life, even last year when they had just started talking, sherlock still got john a birthday card and a vase of flowers delivered to the clinic while he was working. every thing that sherlock has done for john made john fall in love with him even more, even if it was waking up next to him in the morning. 

after dinner, they walked back to the hotel, taking a small detour to see the eiffel tower along with a nice walk around the night city. sherlock had been to paris plenty of times before, traveling with his parents during summer holidays, but john had never been. he was amazed by everything and it took him a good amount of time just to take one small scene in. 

they stood at the eiffel tower for half an hour, john staring up at the lit up beauty as he held sherlock's hand, smiling at the detective then at the tower. he was far too excited and still couldn't believe where he was standing. 

"look at it," john said in amazement. 

"i know." sherlock looked at the blond, smiling softly at him. 

john returned the stare. "look at us." he said. "our year anniversary in two days, spending the weekend in the most romantic city on earth." 

"maybe that will be a little tradition for us. spend our anniversary in a romantic city." 

"i would love that. maybe we could go it vince next year. or maybe rome." john let out a small laugh as sherlock pulled him closer. "look at us, standing in the city of love with the eiffel tower right there and the man i love, right here." he wrapped his arms around sherlock's neck. 

sherlock leaned down and gave john a soft peck on the lips. now felt right. it felt right and sherlock felt the confidence in him so he reached into his pocket and took out the small box as he still smiled down at john. "i love you, john. and i know i tell you every single day, but i really do. i am filled with love from head to toe for you and i hope you feel the same way."

"i do. i always will." john responded. 

“then marry me.” 

john laughed softly, “what?” his arms fell to his side. 

sherlock got down on one knee, opening the ring box and holding it up with a smile. “marry me.” 

john laughed, taking a step back as he laughed. “oh my god!” he exclaimed, covering his mouth with his hands. “are you serious?” he couldn’t believe it. “are you dead serious right now?” 

sherlock nodded. “yes. i am.” he said with a small chuckle. “will you?” 

“will i?” john asked. “of fucking course i will you buggering idiot!” he went to sherlock and pulled him off the ground and right into a kiss. 

john completely forgot about the ring. the ring that he found in sherlock’s jumpers. the ring that sherlock has had for god knows how long. the ring that he will be wearing for the rest of his life as he spends it with the most amazing man he has ever been in love with. 

john pulled away from the kiss, sniffling as he wiped the happy tears that escaped his eyes. “i love you.” he said to sherlock. “i love you so much.” 

sherlock smiled as he took the ring out of the box. “i love you, too.” he took john’s hand and slid the ring onto his finger, kissing the golden band softly. “i will never stop loving you either.” 

john looked at the ring, still in shock. “we’re getting married,” he laughed and looked at sherlock. 

sherlock nodded. “yes, we are.” 

john smiled. “my mind is blown.” 

sherlock laughed. “is it?” 

“yes!” john exclaimed. “never in a million years i thought i would get proposed to- i mean, of course i’ve fantasized about it, but i never really thought it would happen.” 

“it takes the right person.” 

“and i’m glad i’ve found him.” 

sherlock smiled and pulled john flush against him, kissing him deeply.


	17. sweets

the sun shined through the thin curtains that weren't completely covering the window of the hotel room. the ray shined right on john and he groaned, burying his face into his pillow more, but the sun just grew stronger. there was a knock at the door and that caused sherlock to get out of bed and john whined, opening one eye to watch sherlock walk to the door before he covered himself with the duvet. 

"i've got breakfast!" sherlock said in a sing-song voice. he set the tray on the night stand then pulled the duvet off of john, smiling down at the grumpy man. 

"i've got lack of sleep." john put his pillow over his head. 

sherlock sat on the bed. "we have all day to sit here and do nothing, but you didn't eat dinner last night so you need to eat breakfast." he removed the pillow from john's head. 

"i didn't eat last night because we basically walked all of france and someone didn't let me sleep on the train." john said as he sat up, glaring at sherlock who was smiling. "you're too happy for this early in the morning." 

"that's because i'm with my fiancée who i love very much in the city of love on our anniversary." sherlock gave john a chaste kiss. "how could i not be happy?" 

john smiled and rested against sherlock, giving him a lazy hug. "you're such a romantic."

"are you complaining?" 

"no." he kissed sherlock's neck. "i love you and you're very romantic personality." he looked at sherlock with a sleepy smile on his face. 

"good," sherlock said then turned around, grabbing the tray of breakfast, "now for breakfast which includes toast with honey and coffee with cream, but you don't like cream so we'll leave it on the side." sherlock removed the cream and put it on the night stand again. 

john took his coffee. "and what's the plan for today?" he gently blew on the warm liquid, taking a small sip. 

"since we did all the sightseeing we needed yesterday, today we are going to stay in bed, order more room service, maybe have a bath, enjoy a film and if we feel like it, discuss wedding topics." sherlock reached for the cream, forgetting he put it in his coffee. 

"wedding topics stay away until we are home." john set his mug on the tray, taking a piece of toast and a spreading knife, putting the honey on the bread then spread it. 

sherlock watched him. "what about my other ideas?" 

"i like them." john took a bite of his toast, holding it out in front of sherlock, watching him take a bite. "but we are going to go out and get some pastries and eat them until we get a sugar coma." 

sherlock chuckled softly, bringing his coffee up to take a swig, washing the toast down. "did you like the place i took you to yesterday?" 

"is that even a proper question?" john took another bite of the toast before setting it on the plate. 

"then we will get some from there."

john leaned over the tray, careful of his coffee and gave sherlock a kiss. "i'm going to grab a shower. try not to have too much fun." he grabbed his coffee and got off the bed, taking a swig as he walked to the bathroom with it. 

john set his mug on the sink counter before turning the shower on then sat on the lid of the toilet, thinking about how him and sherlock still haven't had sex and they've been together for a year. not to add, but they're also getting married and surely sherlock is expecting something. it was hard for john to think about because he has never had sex and sherlock has never had sex with someone like john. would it even go right if they tried? would they both freak out? would sherlock become repulsed by john? 

too many questions shooting through john's mind and not a single answer to any of them because he was too scared to actually try anything to get answers. from the past things they've done, sherlock seems fine with and john even asked if they would ever had sex and sherlock said if he was truly positive about doing it, then sherlock wouldn't mind. sherlock usually lived up to his word to, so maybe they could try. 

john took the time in his shower to contemplate the whole sex thing and if he was really ready for it and he came to the conclusion that he was. he's twenty nine, still a virgin, and will be getting married to the greatest man known to man. who else would there be that john trusted his life with to have his first time with? 

"did you want those strawberry things that we had yesterday too?" sherlock asked john as they looked around the patisserie. 

john nodded. "those look good." he said and pointed to something that was covered in white chocolate. 

"ooh, they do." sherlock let go of john's hand. "i'll get our long list of sweets. anything else?" 

john shook his head. "i'm going to run over to that shop across the street quickly." 

"if you wait i can go with you." 

"then your present won't be a surprise," john said with a smile and gave sherlock a chaste kiss. "don't forget those cinnamon things with the cream." 

"i won't. grab some milk while you're in there too." he said then handed john his card from his wallet. 

john gave it back. "i've got it." he turned and headed out of the patisserie and to the quaint shop across the street. 

he went to the dairy section and picked up a carton of milk then continued walking around, looking for condoms and also a gift for sherlock. he walked down the isle that was filled with women's products, razors and then he spotted what he came for. he stood and stared at all the choices, trying to remember what he was taught in sex ed in secondary school, but nothing came to mind and he ended up just grabbing a box and making his way out of the isle. he remembered about buying sherlock a gift and he walked around again, seeing the perfect thing and picking it up before heading to check out. 

john stuck the condoms inside his coat pocket before he left the shop then walked over to the patisserie, catching sherlock when he was coming out. 

"the man asked if i was going to eat all that we got by myself and i said no i was going to eat it with my wonderful fiancée and he threw in a free treat to congratulate us." sherlock said to john. 

john smiled. "so i guess being engaged has its perks." he reached into his bag. "close your eyes." 

"why?" 

"do you want your gift?" 

sherlock rolled his eyes then closed them. 

john took sherlock's hand and slid the plastic, pink ring onto his finger with a giant fake plastic rinestone, laughing at how ridiculous it looked on his gigantic finger. "open them." 

"what the hell is that?" 

john laughed even more. "it's your ring!" 

sherlock gave john a disgusted look. "i'm not a eight year old girl. and i would prefer if my diamonds are real, thank you very much." 

john chuckled and intertwined their fingers together and started walking. "i think it looks great." 

"glad one of us does." sherlock muttered, smiling as john scoffed at him. 

they made their way back to the hotel and changed into more comfortable lounging clothes then sat in bed with their big box of treats as a movie played. once the box was emptied and tossed onto the floor, the two were sound asleep from the amount of sugar they consumed. sherlock had his face buried in john's shoulder, half his body on the smaller doctor's body and john's hand was tangled in the knotted mess of sherlock's hair.

john was the first to wake up, he stayed where we was because he didn’t want to wake the sleeping giant on he chest. he reached for his phone, checking the time and seeing that it was around four in the afternoon and they had slept for a good three hours. his stomach growled and he felt like throwing up because he was still hungry and never wanted to eat anything with sugar or chocolate on it ever again. he wasn’t sure about how to order room service, or if he had to speak in french or not, so he left his hungry thoughts and reached for the telly remote, turning the tv back on and putting some kind of movie on with english subtitles as sherlock slept.


	18. happy anniversary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it may be a while before another update, not really feeling life at the moment:)

while john was reading emails on his phone, he felt something tickle his side and he ignored it, glancing down at sherlock to see him still sleeping. he picked up where he left off, feeling the tickle again, but this time it made him jerk in his spot a bit. he looked at sherlock who had moved off of john and buried his face into the pillow, still sound asleep. the doctor went back to his email and after a minute or two, felt the tickle again, but this time he reached down and grabbed sherlock's hand. 

"give it up." john said, staring down at the 'sleeping' detective as he held his hand. 

sherlock smiled and reached his other hand underneath himself, tickling john's side again, causing his fiancée to giggle.

"i will push you off the bed!" john exclaimed, trying to catch the hand that was currently tickling him, but sherlock overpowered him and straddled the doctor, grinning down at him.

"you lose."

"and you're a prick." john said, out of breath. 

sherlock chuckled and stood, jumping off the bed before running to the bathroom.

john laughed at him, shaking his head. he felt around the bed for his phone, not finding it. he sighed, getting out of bed and going to the bathroom, crossing his arms over his chest as he saw sherlock standing at the toilet with his phone in his hand. 

"a conference in dublin?" sherlock asked, looking back at john.

john nodded, stepping towards sherlock and taking back his phone. 

"are you going to go?" sherlock flushed the toilet then turned to the sink.

john shrugged. "i want to, but i'm not entirely sure about going?"

"why not?" sherlock looked at john.

"it's five days and you'll be in london and i'll be in dublin and anything could happen while we're apart." john sighed, shaking his head. "just ignore me. i'm letting stuff get to my head."

sherlock dried his hands before going to john and pulling him into a tight embrace. "you know everything would be fine."

"i would miss you though."

"we'll call and skype."

john looked up at sherlock. "would you mind if i went?"

"of course, not love. it's just a conference with other doctors. why would i mind?"

john shrugged. "i'll reply when we get home. i don't want to worry about it right now." he turned and walked out of the bathroom, sherlock following him. he set his phone on the nightstand then sat on the edge of the bed, looking at his coat the lay on the floor, reminding him about what he bought and what he wanted.

"okay?" sherlock asked.

john nodded then looked at sherlock. "fine, i just need food that isn't filled with sugar. or meat." he fell back onto the bed. 

"so a salad?"

"ew, no." john rubbed his face. "grilled cheese and some crisps. that is what i want."

sherlock sat on the bed with the room service menu. "anything else?"

"a bottle of wine would be nice."

"what kind?"

"surprise me." 

sherlock leaned back and gave john a kiss, pulling away and smiling down at the doctor. "i love you."

"i love you." john pulled sherlock down for another kiss, dinner soon being forgotten about once john pulled sherlock fully on top of him. 

the two separated when they broke apart for air. john made sherlock order room service then sat up and watched sherlock speak on the phone in french, feeling he wanted to devour the man. hearing sherlock speak french was like seeing him after a workout, extremely sexy. john had to stop himself from drooling and focused his attention the telly, changing the channel so it wasn't playing the news.

after their dinner, john put their plates and glasses on the cart, pushing it near the door and leaving it before he joined sherlock in bed again. he sat next to the detective that was laying down, leaning against the headboard as he thought about asking. it was so easy to say in his head, but making the words actually come out was the hard part. what if sherlock was actually uncomfortable with having sex with john and john would totally embarrass himself and ruin the rest of their holiday.

"what's wrong, babe?" sherlock asked john, placing a hand on john's knee.

"it's nothing."

"are you sure?"

john sighed, putting his face in his hands. "no." he mumbled.

sherlock sat up, "what is it?"

john looked up at sherlock. "if i say this, promise me you will tell me how you feel about it. and i want the cold, hard truth. nothing sugar-coated."

"of course."

"we've been together for a year now, and still have not had sex. and we have established that it isn't an issue, but i'm ready. only if you want to, of course, i don't want it to seem like i'm pressuring you into something you don't want to do."

sherlock took a deep breath as he thought about it. 

"i'm sorry, just forget about it." john said and got off the bed. "it's a stupid idea." he went into the bathroom, closing the door behind him and locking it. he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, letting it all out in a deep sigh. he turned around and looked at himself in the mirror, sniffling then wiping his tears. there was another minute or two of collecting himself before john left the batroom, seeing sherlock sitting on the edge of the bed.

"i said i wouldn't mind having sex with you if you are really, truly ready for it. remember?" sherlock asked.

john nodded.

"i live up to my word, john." sherlock stood up. "you know i do," he said as he walked over to john. "i will do it if you are positive."

"i am positive."

"okay then." sherlock placed his hands on the doctor's hips, pulling him in for a kiss. he held onto the doctor's hips as he turned them around, pushing him back to the bed, both of them falling down, causing the kiss to break as they laughed. they adjusted themselves as they were parted, getting completely on the bed.

"there's condoms in my coat." john said before they got too far.

sherlock furrowed his brows. "when did you buy them?"

"today when i went into the shop."

"sneaky." sherlock gave john a chaste kiss before getting up. he went to the discarded coat on the floor and picked it up, feeling the small box and taking it out from the inside pocket. he set them on the nightstand before getting on top of john, getting between the doctor's legs.

this anniversary would never be forgotten.


	19. caught

the annoying sound of sherlock's alarm was what woke the couple up the next morning. sherlock jolted awake, being surprised by the alarm then reached for his phone, turning the alarm off. he lay down again, looking at his fiancèe who had rolled onto his stomach and stretched out. sherlock leaned over and placed a kiss on the back of john's neck.

"good morning, handsome." sherlock watched john's lips curl into a smile.

"morning, beautiful." john responded, stretching out before rolling onto his back, looking up at sherlock.

sherlock leaned down and gave john a chaste kiss. "how are you feeling?"

"a bit sore. not too bad." john combed a hand through sherlock's bed head, pushing his fringe out of his face. "and before you ask, you didn't hurt me at all last night. it was bloody amazing, in fact."

"good."

john took his hand out of sherlock's hand. "when are we leaving?"

"the train leaves at nine. that gives us two hours to finish packing and get to the station."

"i'm gonna grab a shower." john sat up. "thank you for an amazing birthday and an even more amazing partner."

sherlock smiled. "of course." he gave john a quick kiss. "breakfast? tea?"

"we'll grab something at the station." john said then got out of bed, wincing at the soreness.

"okay?" sherlock asked.

john looked behind him and nodded. "sore. that's all." he headed into the bathroom.

once everything was packed and they checked out of the hotel, they made their way to the train station, grabbing a coffee and a quick bite before boarding the train. the train ride, sherlock was the one that fell asleep and he rested his entire body weight against his smaller boyfriend and john was thankful he took the inside seat because sherlock would have pushed him out of the seat.

they arrived at the flat, being instantly greeted by mrs. hudson and told her about the trip, gave her what they bought her then told her about their engagement. it was the loudest they've heard the woman scream before and they never wanted to hear it again, but they were glad she was so thrilled about it. it took a while before they were finally upstairs, but once they were they both flopped into their chairs and smiled at one another.

"we have so many other people to tell." john said as he propped his feet up on sherlock's knees.

"we could just post it online. avoid all the human contact stuff."

"but neither of our parents know how to use the internet. let alone have it."

sherlock slouched in his chair. "don't say it. please don't say it."

john chuckled softly. "i don't see what the problem is. your parents are good people!" he nudged sherlock with his foot.

sherlock groaned. "i don't like speaking with them."

john scoffed. "i'm only asking for a day. just a lunch date with them to tell them will please me."

"just lunch. nothing else."

john smiled, pushing himself out of his chair. "you are a ridiculous man," he said as he straddled sherlock's lap. "a very ridiculous man."

"you're going to have to deal with it," sherlock placed his hands on john's sides, "you are the one that will be marrying me."

"that i am. suppose i can't complain once we're married."

"i think you're right."

john leaned down and gave sherlock a kiss. "you make me extremely happy and i feel like i don't tell you enough."

"you don't have to say it verbally. i know it, baby." sherlock flashes that crooked smile of his that got john's knees weak and every time, john could feel his heart melt in his chest.

the doctor crashed his lips with sherlock's, wrapping his arm around the detective's neck as he got himself closer, making sure he wouldn't fall out of sherlock's lap.

it wasn't long before the kiss turned into something else and mrs. hudson came upstairs with tea and biscuits. she rapped on the door, not saying anything before she exclaimed and set the tray down, hurrying down the steps as she rambled in about locking the door.

john got up from the floor, his face as red as a tomato as he wiped his face. he looked at sherlock who didn't seem phased as he tucked himself back into his jeans.

"oh my god," john groaned. he fell back into his chair, covering his face in embarrassment.

"oh, relax." sherlock said as he got up. "it's not like she hasn't seen us before." he went and picked up the tray, closing the door behind him.

"snogging! she's only seen us snogging!" john exclaimed as he watched sherlock. "i was on my bloody knees with your cock in my mouth!"

sherlock set the tray on the desk. he turned to john. "take a deep breath, it'll be fine. it's not like she actually saw what we were doing."

"still!"

"tea?"

john scoffed and slid down his chair, covering his face again. "i can't believe we didn't shut the door."

"john it's fine." sherlock poured his fiancée a cup of tea. he took it to him, watching him sit up again before taking the cup. "it is perfectly fine, love. now we know to always shut the door."

"sometimes i really do hate you."

sherlock smirked and kissed john's temple. "love you, too." he went back to the tray and poured himself a cup of tea then sat in his own chair, looking at his doctor. he was obviously worried about what hudders thought and sherlock didn't want to see him so upset about it. "babe."

"hmm?" john looked at sherlock.

"why don't you go call your mum, tell her about the trip and then ask about us going to visit. yeah?"

john inhaled deeply, nodding. "yeah."

"then we'll go out and grab an early dinner, maybe do something after."

john stood up. "i just want to stay in. lay in our bed."

"we'll do that. sandwiches from speedy's?"

john gave sherlock a nod, smiling at him. "i love you."

sherlock returned the smile. "i love you." he then watched john take out his phone and sit at the kitchen table. hopefully, it will always be this easy to make john feel better.


	20. big news

the following weekend, john went to his mother's cottage in the countryside, realizing he needed to start visiting her more during the warm seasons because it was beautiful. it wasn't his childhood home, but it almost felt like it from how much mrs. watson kept the memory of their pst family alive. sometimes it felt like john's father would walk through the door after a long shift and sit at the table and eat, then watch the game with john. there was also a feeling that harry would come into john's room and pick a fight with him and chase her throughout the house while they gave their mother a headache.

john smiled softly to himself as he turned the knob of the door, stepping in and setting his and sherlock's bag to the side before closing the door with his foot. "mum?" he called out. he toed his shoes off and made his way through the sitting area and into the kitchen, seeing his mother in her greenhouse through the window.

"don't hurt yourself mum." john said instantly once he saw his mother standing on a not so sturdy stool with a pair of trimmers in her hand. john went to her and took the trimmers out of her hand, helping her down for the stool. "you could hurt yourself seriously." john set the trimmers on a shelf the stepped up onto the stool, reaching for the plant his mother was attempting to clip and taking it down.

"well it's a good thing my son is a doctor," she said.

john gave her a look as he set the pot on the table. "yes, but what about when i'm not here. you're neighbor lives twenty minutes away. and they live in town."

"maybe i should move to the city."

john scoffed. "you in the city? you hate the city." he grabbed the trimmers, handing them to his mom.

she took them. "then you and sherlock move out here."

john laughed softly. "you have lost your mind, mum. absolutely crazy."

she smiled. "you're just like your father. he could never settle in a place like this. it's too quiet." she started clipping parts of her plant, just dropping them onto the floor.

john hummed softly, pulling out a chair and sitting in it. "it's beautiful, but there's nothing."

"there's me."

john smiled. "i love you dearly, but no."

"i'm just saying, soon i'll be reaching that age," she pointed the trimmers at john, "and you'll have to be taking care of me. your amazing mother." she went back to work.

john rested his elbow on the armrest, placing his chin in his hand and smiling. "i can always get someone else to take care of you. or put you in a home."

"john watson you will not put me in a home!" she exclaimed, throwing her trimmers down.

john chuckled softly. "i was just joking. besides, we'll figure out the kinks when the time comes. right now your healthy and let's hope you stay that way."

"no homes." mrs. watson said sternly. "put this back please, i'll put on the kettle." she walked around the table and back inside.

john got up, picking up the plant and putting it back on the shelf where he got it from. he brushed the dirt that fell on him off before walking back inside. he rested against the kitchen counter has he watched his mother take out the supplies for the tea.

"i have news for you." john said to his mother.

"i have news for you, too," she said as she filled the kettle with water.

john watched his mother place the kettle on the stove top, turning a burner on. "what's yours."

mrs. watson turned around her serious look on her face. like the one, she wore the day john came home from school to find out that his father had passed away.

"what?"

"i haven't wanted you to worry, so i haven't told you anything yet. i went to the doctors a few months ago for my usual check up and they discovered a lump in my breast."

john's face dropped. "mum."

"they ran tests and i have stage two breast cancer that is moving to stage three at a fast pace." marie watched her son cover his mouth and look at the ground. "i will be scheduling a date for surgery my next appointment which is monday morning. then after the surgery, we'll decide what will need to be done to help."

john sniffled, looking up at his mother with tears in his eyes. "stage three survival rate is seventy-five percent. even if they remove the tumor, they don't always get the full thing and it can grow into something worse." he took a deep breath as his mother stepped over to him.

"i know it's tough." she placed her hands on his biceps. "i really know. but we will get through it. we always do."

"but i've lost everyone," john cried. "dad and harry. and now you have cancer."

"i'm not dead yet." she wiped her son's tears. "and we both know i'm too stubborn to die."

"that is true." john sniffled, wiping his nose. "i just don't want to lose you."

"and you won't." she pushed john's fringe out of his face, smiling at him. "my time isn't here yet so we won't act like it. okay?"

john nodded, pulling his mother in for a hug. he sniffled again, closing his eyes as he relaxed. his mother has breast cancer and there was nothing he could do about it. they would just have to see what the future would hold and hopefully, it would be her living out the rest of her years until she would be at least ninety.

the kettle screeched and that was when they separated, marie went to fetch the kettle and john went to take his and sherlock's bags upstairs. he set the two bags on the bed at sat down, taking out his phone and seeing the texts from sherlock.

_i hate that you made me do this._

_chit chat._  
_barf._

_they wished that you would have joined us as did i._

_they're thrilled about the engagement._  
_dad tried to give me money, but i denied it._

_on the train. parents gave me a headache, taking a nap._

john chuckled softly at the last text and stood up, shoving his phone back into his pocket then made his way downstairs again. his mother was outside in her garden with the tea and a tray of what looked like biscuits. john took off his socks, walking outside barefooted to his mother's picnic table that was surrounded by beds of multicolored flowers.

"the garden looks beautiful, mum." john said as he sat down.

"it's doing very well this spring." she set john's mug in front of him before she sat down across from him. "so, what did you want to tell me."

john smiled, "sherlock asked me to marry him."

mrs. watson's jaw dropped and she took a second to register what her son said before letting out a shout of excitement. "you're getting married!"

john nodded. "i am."

"to sherlock!"

john nodded again.

a smile stayed plastered onto her face. "i'm so happy words can't describe it."

"i am to." john looked down at his hand, looking at the ring. "he's the best thing that has happened to me in a long time and the love of my life. now we're getting married." he looked at his mother who was still smiling.

"i'm so proud." she covered john's hands with hers. "so proud of who you have become."

"thank you, mum."

later that night after marie treated her son and future son in law to a celebration dinner, going home and getting ready for bed after. john lay in bed with his glasses on while he read an article on his phone as sherlock came into the bedroom, closing the door behind him and falling down onto the bed next to his fiancée.

"today has been too much excitement, not enough of my baby." sherlock said, resting his head on john's arm.

john looked down at sherlock with a timid smile and combed his hand through the detective's soft curls. "i have to tell you something." he set his phone down.

sherlock moves his head into the lap of his doctor, looking up at him. "what?"

"mum has breast cancer. it's stage two, but pretty much stage three."

sherlock sat up. "love, im so sorry."

"it's alright. i cried about it earlier, and i don't need to anymore." he took his glasses off, setting them on the bedside table along with his phone. he turned to sherlock and sherlock knew him too well to see that he needed to cry. he needed to let it all out.

sherlock got under the duvet with john and turned the lap off, laying down and letting john press his face into the crook of his neck as he cried softly. sherlock comforted john, murmuring soft words of encouragement to him and sometimes slipping in a joke that made john laugh through his tears.

after a good cry session, john was asleep with his face pressed into sherlock's chest, the detective holding him as he slept. sherlock was hoping to fool around some before bed, but realized that it wouldn't work after john said that his mother has cancer. sherlock couldn't imagine what he was going through right now because john has lost his whole family and his mother is the only thing left and sherlock knew that if john lost her to cancer he would be a mess. all sherlock could do is hope that marie wouldn't go out that way. the only thing that sherlock could do is be there for john.

and that is exactly what he planned to do.


	21. distance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been a while since i updated, sorry about that, i was in the hospital and it has been taking me a bit to get back into writing. also, sorry this chapter is crap, i tried my best.

the fingernails of the doctor dug into the headboard as he moaned with pleasure, looking down at the sweat-covered detective under him. he let go of the head board and leaned down, kissing sherlock in a sloppy was as the prick of his fiancée was still inside him. sherlock kissed back, planting his feet into the bed and thrusting up into the doctor a single time, causing the doctor to pull away from the kiss and bite his lip. sherlock did it again and john let out a breathy moan, keeping eye contact with his detective. he sat down on the length of the detective, shivering and moaning softly as his hand reached for the headboard again.

"fuck," john gasped as he slowly removed himself from sherlock's lap, falling down beside the detective, taking a second to catch his breath.

early morning sex was the best between them and this morning sherlock woke up to john kissing his neck and whispering dirty things into his ear. then john took control and did what he wanted to the detective since he usually does what he wants, but not this morning. sex between them was getting better and better as they both become more comfortable with it and a whole lot dirtier.

sherlock sat down on the bed again, leaning over and placing a kiss to the bare chest of his fiancée. "fantastic as usual."

john huffed out a laugh, combing a hand through sherlock's tangled curls. "i've been missing out."

"amazing that you have me now. my bed game is at the top." he gave john his charming lopsided grin.

john laughed and pushed sherlock away. "too bad your prick isn't as big as your ego."

sherlock fake gasped, "i am deeply offended by that!"

"oh yeah, sure."

sherlock smiled and leaned over the doctor, giving him a chaste kiss. "it's a quarter 'till seven. you have a train to catch at eight thirty."

john groaned softly. "why did i agree to go?"

"because it's an amazing opportunity and you're getting paid to go." sherlock got off the bed, going to their dresser.

john stared at sherlock's bare body as he dug through a drawer. "mmm, right." he sat up and looked at his packed suitcase. "i'm gonna grab a shower."

"breakfast?" sherlock asked as he pulled on a pair of boxers.

"something small. and i want honey in my tea."

sherlock walked over to john's side of the bed, sitting on the side. "anything else?"

"a good morning kiss from my beautiful fiancée." john said with a timid smile.

sherlock returned the smile and leaned in, kissing john deeply.

after a shower and getting ready, john walked out to the kitchen, wheeling his suitcase behind him. he put his suitcase next to the door then went over to the desk, putting his laptop into his book bag. his eyes fell on the binder they had bought to keep wedding information together and he thought about taking it with him since he'd have loads of time getting to the conference to look at things and such.

"do you want to set a date?" john asked as he grabbed the binder, putting it in his book bag.

"i haven't given it much thought."

john picked up his book bag and set it with his suitcase. "we need a date. or a general idea of when we want to have the wedding." he sat on the table, watching sherlock make his tea.

"well, when do you want to have it?"

john shrugged. "i dunno."

sherlock turned, handing john his mug. "i'm sure you do."

"i'd like my mum to be there. and with cancer, anything could happen."

sherlock took out his phone. "we need a good amount of time to plan, get a venue and sort everything out. that should take a few months in the working and we don't want our anniversary to be on a holiday. so we could to an autumn wedding or a winter wedding."

"january is kind of far. not to mention your birth month."

"my birthday doesn't have anything to do with this." sherlock scrolled through the calendar on his phone. "january twenty-ninth?"

"is that a saturday?" john took a swig of his tea.

sherlock shook his head. "it's on a wednesday."

"but that's a weekday."

"it would save guests and us some money. it's been proven. and it would be difficult to find a venue open on a saturday because you usually have to book almost a year in advance."

john sighed. "a weekday wedding?"

"trust me, babe, it's easier than a weekend wedding."

"you're lucky i do." john took a sip of his tea while sherlock placed a kiss to his temple.

"breakfast still?"

"no. we should get going."

"let me get dressed." sherlock gave john a quick peck on the lips and headed back to their bedroom.

john shoved the key card into his door, opening his hotel room and walking in, kicking the door shut and dropping all his things where he was standing before taking off his shoes and walking to the bed, flopping down on it. he reached his hand underneath him and pulled his phone out of his pocket, bringing it up and calling sherlock. he put the phone on speaker and relaxed into the bed, closing his eyes.

"hey, how was the trip?" sherlock's voice asked over the phone.

john let out a groan into the mattress. "longest bloody trip of my life." he sighed, rolling onto his back. "it feels so good to lay down."

"i bet it does." sherlock said. "have you been to the conference area yet?"

"trying to stay away from that area until tomorrow morning." john let out another groan. "i don't want to get up to change, but i need to. my contacts are irritating me."

"you can lay there or stay annoyed by your contacts until you repeatedly rub your eyes and get more annoyed or get up and take them out."

john sighed. "you're right." he sat up, grabbing his phone and walking to his suit case. he sat on the floor, laying his suitcase down and unzipping it. "i'm not that excited about all these doctor people who i have to have chit chat with." he took out his pajamas, tossing them to the side.

"well, i'm sure there will be someone there that you will enjoy."

"let's hope." john dug through his toiletry bag, looking for his contact case. "did i pack my contact case? and the solution?"

"uhh," the sound of sheets rustling and sherlock's steps into the bathroom were all john heard. "they're sitting here on the sink."

"fucking hell! now i have to wear my glasses!" john groaned.

"babe, calm down. it's not the end of the world."

"i'm literally blind, sherlock. my eyes are huge in my glasses. i look like a bug with them one."

"you can go to a shop near by and get a case and some solution."

"too late. already took them out."

"john," sherlock sighed. "what'd you do with them?"

"they are in the bin." john grabbed his glasses case, taking out his glasses and putting them on. "now i won't scratch my eyes out." 

"yes, but you'll be complaining about it to me." 

"you're marrying me, get used to it." john stood up and changed into his pajamas.

"i should start counting how many times you say that. you tend to say it a lot."

"well, you are." john grabbed his toiletry bag and his phone, walking into the bathroom. "january twenty-ninth in fact." 

"so you agree with the date?" 

"yes. fewer people will come on a weekday."

sherlcok scoffed. "wow."

"i don't want my family there!" john exclaimed.

"our rolls have been reversed."

john said something, but it was muffled by the toothpaste in his mouth.

"what?" 

it took a long second before john was able to say what he wanted. "they hate me."

"no, they don't."

"sherlock, my dad's side of the family refused to speak to him for months after i came out. i would rather not them be at my wedding where i will be marrying a man." 

"then we won't invite them."

"we have to. they'll shun me if i don't invite them."

sherlock sighed. "does it matter? it sounds like you don't like them."

"but i would like to still have contact with a part of my dad that isn't kept alive by my mum."

"can we cross this bridge when we get there? i really don't want to argue about this." 

"yeah, fine," john sighed. "i should go to bed. the introduction is early."

"are you mad?" 

"no. just tired. it was a long trip."

"alright. love you."

"love you, too." john hung up, tossing his phone on the bed before flopping down, letting out a groan into the mattress. he didn't want to think about arguing with sherlock while they were separated, it would just make it everything harder.


	22. bad news

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very late update, sorry. it's also kinda short. sorry for that, but i'm trying.

when john got back from his trip, he slept in late and woke up without sherlock next to him and a note on the bedside table. he sat up, grabbing his glasses and the note, putting his glasses on before he read what sherlock had written.

_didn't want to disturb you, i know how tired you are. if you're up before lunch, text me and we'll go out. hope you got your beauty sleep. -your favorite detective_

john smiled down at the note, setting it down and grabbing his phone, checking the time and seeing it was a quarter after eleven. he had enough time to get dressed and meet sherlock for lunch. he sent his detective a text and there was an instant response to the place that they were going. john had a small idea that sherlock knew when he would wake up and already planned out everything. he got out of bed and went into the bathroom, starting a shower.

the doctor walked up to the small café, seeing his fiancé standing there with a smile on his face. "hey, you." sherlock said as john walked up to him.

"hi handsome," john smiled then gave sherlock a chaste kiss.

"hungry?" sherlock asked.

john shrugged. "not that much. hudders made some biscuits and insisted that i ate some before i left."

"so do you want lunch?"

"are you hungry?"

"not really. no."

john took sherlock's hands in his. "how long do you have for lunch today?" he asked with a sly smirk.

"an hour. what are you thinking john watson?"

"we're ten minutes from the flat and hudders left after i did. plus, i haven't been home for a few days and have missed my fiancé." 

sherlock grinned. "let's go then." he laced his fingers with john, pulling in in the direction of their flat.

after they enjoyed some close company, sherlock fell asleep, saying he was only going to close his eyes for a minute or two, but instead fell asleep on john's chest. then, soon after, john fell asleep with him, both wore out from their recent activities and working. 

the sound of sherlock's phone ringing was what woke them up. sherlock got up quickly, leaning over the edge of the bed, feeling for his trousers. he grabbed them, reaching into the pocket and pulling out his phone.

"hello?" sherlock asked groggily.

"where are you? your lunch was over half an hour ago?" it was the voice of greg.

"greg?"

"yes it's greg. who else would want to save you from getting fired?" 

"what?"

"we have a metting in twenty minutes with mark. did you forget?"

sherlock got up, going to the dresser. "no, no. i got caught up with john. i'll be there in ten." he hung up, tossing his phone on the bed as he pulled on a clean pair of boxers. 

"what's the meeting with mark about?" john asked, watching sherlock put on his clothes in a rush.

"it's just about going over a new hire." sherlock sat on the edge of the bed, putting his socks on. "i don't like him, he's annoying."

"what's his name?"

"philip." he slipped on his shoes. "he's a suck up to greg. and to mark." 

"please try to play nice. we have a wedding to plan." 

sherlock stood up. "i can try. doesn't mean it'll work." 

"sherlock." john gave him the look. 

sherlock grinned, leaning over and giving john a quick kiss. "i love you."

"i love you, too. please be nice." 

"i will." sherlock grabbed his phone, stuffing it into his pocket. "text me what you want for dinner and i'll pick up on my way home." sherlock left in a hurry, leaving the bedroom door open. 

once john got out of bed and dressed, he decided he was going to make dinner for him and sherlock. he sent sherlock a quick text before getting dressed, forgetting his phone on the kitchen table when he left for the shops. when he returned home, he set the bag of ingredients on the table, going into the living room and toeing his shoes off, leaving them by the door. when he walked back into the kitchen, grabbing his phone off the table as he unpacked the bag, setting everything out on the table. there was a message from sherlock, a few emails and a missed call and voice mail from his mother. he tapped on the notification, putting his phone to his ear.

"hey, john, it's mum. just calling because, well, i had a bit of an accident today. i'm alright, but they moved my mastectomy to wednesday instead of next week. they also found a bit of cancer in my lungs when they brought me in today. i promise i'm fine, but would love it if you and sherlock could come down. just give me a ring after you hear this. love you."

john stood in the kitchen in shock. what kind of accident did his mom have and why did it cause the doctors to discover cancer in her lungs? he went to the bedroom, calling sherlock as he did.

"hey, love." sherlock's voice said over the phone.

"mum is in the hospital." john said as he pulled out his bag from under the bed. 

"what? is she okay?" 

"i don't know. i left my phone here while i went to the shops," he went to the dresser, pulling out some shirts and boxers, shoving them into his bag, "she left a voice mail and she didn't say what happened, all she said was that she had an accident, her surgery is on wenesday and they discovered cancer in her lungs. whatever happened, it can't be good."

"are you going up there?" 

"yea. just packed some clothes." john said as he zipped up his bag. 

"do you want me to meet you at the station?"

"please." 

"alright. i'm heading out now."

"okay." john said then hung up. he grabbed some of sherlock's clothes and shoved them into the bag with his as he called his mom back, but there was no answer. 

"hey, mum. sherlock and i are on our way to the station right now. hopefully, there will be a train we can catch. send me a text that you got this voice mail. see you soon." 

john stuffed his phone into his pocket, grabbing the bag off the bed and heading for the living room, slipping his shoes on and grabbing his coat before leaving in a hurry. he met sherlock at the train station, being lucky to get tickets for a train that left in an hour. they sat down and waited, john hyper-focusing on the ground and sherlock watching him, making sure he didn't worry himself too much. this was all too much for a person to handle who has already lost half his family already. if anything unfortunate happened to john's mom, he would be an absolute wreck. sherlock never wanted to see that.  

 


	23. it’s all okay

by the time they reached their destination, it was too late to go to the hospital so they just decided on going to mrs. watson's cottage, getting some sleep, then going to the hospital first thing in the morning. and that was exactly what they did. 

john walked up to the front door, reaching for the handle and opening the door. he stood inside the doorway, staring into the lifeless house. there was no music playing from the old record player on the shelf in the living room, no smell of sweets baking in the oven, the shutters were shut, the lights were off and there was no one to welcome him with a smile and a big hug. he stepped in, going upstairs and seeing his mother's bedroom door open with the light on. he walked to the room and stepped in, looking at the lamp on her bedside table that was turned on. john went to the bedside table to turn the lamp off, looking down and seeing the picture he gave his mother for christmas with a small picture of him and sherlock tucked in one corner and a picture of harry tucked into the other. the doctor picked up the frame, looking down at his older sister, then to his father and then his mother. 

there was a soft knock on the door that caught john's attention and snapped him out of his train of thought. he turned and saw sherlock, standing there with his hands stuffed into his pockets. 

"alright?" 

john sniffled, shaking his head. "i can't lose her, sherlock. she's the only thing i have left." he gave a sad smile, setting the frame down and wiping his face.

"i know." sherlock walked over to john. "i know it's tough right now, but your mother is strong and will get through this. you know that." 

john nodded then wiped the tears from his face before hugging sherlock. "it's so hard," he sobbed, clenching sherlock's shirt as he sobbed. "i can't lose her." 

"i know, love." sherlock said softly, kissing the doctor's temple. "i know." he rubbed the smaller man's back gently, felling him relax a bit after he cried out what he needed to. 

"let's get some sleep and when we wake up, we'll go visit your mum. okay?" sherlock asked softly. 

john nodded, letting go of sherlock.

sherlock cupped john's face, wiping his tears with his thumbs. "you will get through this. we will get through this." he gently kissed the doctor's nose. 

john stepped away from sherlock, turning the lamp off before he walked out of his mother's room and to the guest room. 

in the morning, sherlock woke up to john already dressed with a book in his lap as he sat next to him. sherlock sat up, leaning over and giving john a kiss on the cheek. "morning." 

"morning." 

sherlock got out of bed, going to the bag john packed in a rush, taking out a clean shirt and wearing the trousers from yesterday. "did you want breakfast?" 

"not in the mood to eat." john closed his book, setting it on the nightstand. 

"tea?"

"i would like to see my mum." john looked at sherlock. 

sherlock continued to button up his shirt. "once i get ready we'll go."

"yea," john sighed softly. he stood from the bed and headed downstairs, ignoring the question sherlock asked. the only thing he could think about was his mother and how she was doing because she has been in the hospital for more than twenty four hours and john hasn't seen her or spoken to her and his anxiety was taking over. 

"are we taking your mum's car or a cab?" sherlock's voice asked. 

"the car." john went to the kitchen, going to the drawer that his mother put important things in, taking out the car key then going back out to sherlock and handing him the key, heading outside. 

when they arrived, john was already on the hunt to find out what where his mother was and sherlock was following quickly behind him. the second they walked into the room, john was already latched onto his mother, muttering words that sherlock couldn't hear. sherlock stood at the foot of the bed awkwardly until john stood, wiping his face and that's when marie smiled at sherlock. 

"good to see you, sherlock." marie said. 

sherlock walked around the bed and gave his future mother in law a hug. "how are you feeling?" 

she sighed, "i've been better." 

sherlock took a seat in the chair while john sat on the edge of the hospital bed. marie looked sick. she didn't look like the cheerful woman she is, but you can tell she is trying her best because she doesn't want to worry her son. 

"what happened?" john asked. "lung cancer?" 

"it's very early, so they're going to operate on friday." marie held her son's hand. "i was at the farmers market with cindy and i noticed it was getting difficult to breathe, so i took a seat and that's when i couldn't get back up and cindy had called an ambulance. they know i have breast cancer and they wondered if cancer could have spread, so they did tests." 

"and it did spread." john said. 

marie nodded. "but it's okay. they're going to get it and the breast cancer, then i'll be back to normal." 

"i hope so, mum. i really hope so." 

"it will." she smiled at her son before looking over at sherlock. "any news?" 

"we set a date for the wedding." sherlock said, smiling at marie's reaction to what he said. 

"when?" she asked excitedly. 

"january twenty-ninth." john said. 

"oh, i'm so happy!" she looked at her son. "you're getting married!" she pulled john down and gave his forehead a big kiss. 

john chuckled, "i am, mum." 

she looked at him with tears in her eyes. "i'm proud of you." 

"i know."

"your father would be extremely proud too. as for harry." 

"i know, mum." 

sherlock sat in the chair, watching the mother and son talk, finally seeing john relaxed and not overthinking about if his mom is alright. the two talked all day, pausing when the nurse came into the room and when the doctor came in to explain what was going to happen in the surgery tomorrow and on friday. after that, john discussed with the doctor about how cancer spread until marie put a stop to it, telling her son he has other things to do. 

it was easy to tell that marie was uncomfortable it the cancer talk and wanted it to end. once the doctor excused himself, john continued the conversation with his mother, entering sherlock in it this time.

they left the hospital after marie was given the medicine that helps her sleep and went out to find a place to eat, but decided it would be better if they just made something at home and had a night in. 

john sat on the counter with a glass of wine in hand as he watched sherlock sauté a mix of vegetables. "thank you." 

sherlock looked at john with that crooked smile. "what?"

"thank you."

"for making dinner?"

john chuckled, giving a gentle kick to sherlock's thigh. "no, you git. for everything you have done for me. i never say it enough."

"that is because you never have to say it. i know you're thankful."

"but how?"

sherlock took the wine glass from the doctor's hand, setting it on the counter next to him as he got between the smaller man's knees. "the little things you do. like today when we were walking out of the hospital, you held my hand," sherlock intertwined his fingers with john's, "and you rubbed your thumb against my skin." the detective pressed a kiss to the back of john's hand. 

"you didn't hold it tight like when we walk on busy streets or on a case. it wasn't loose either like when we're walking around the park. it was in between. not the 'i'm scared' hold or the 'i'm relaxed and enjoying my time with you'." sherlock held john's hand like he had done at the hospital. "it was 'i appreciate you and everything you've done for me."

"i didn't even know i did that." john said in amazement.

“that happens in relationships.” 

john grabbed sherlock by the hips, pulling him between his knees. “you get little crinkles by your eyes when you look at me.” 

“no i don’t.” 

john smiled. “you do too. it’s because you get a little smile.” 

“no.”

“yes!”

“shut it.” 

“make me.”


	24. Birthday Dinner

everything has been going very well for john and sherlock. they are getting married in three months, marie was cancer free as of the start of october and the two were still madly in love.

it was the last week of october and the couple made their way to the holmes residence to celebrate mrs. holmes birthday. of course, sherlock didn't want to go, but he hadn't seen his parents since he told them about the engagement and john has never been to the home of sherlock.

they arrived to the cottage in the afternoon, john was just beaming to see sherlock's parents again and as for sherlock, he didn't show his excitement, but john knew he missed his parents.

sherlock's mother came out of the house the second she head the car doors shut and came out to greet her son and soon to be son in law.

"boys!" mrs. holmes cheered as she hugged john first.

john smiled, hugging back. "happy birthday, sylvia."

"thank you, john." she let go of the doctor. "and thank you for dragging my son down on my birthday. this is a very rare treat."

john chuckled as he watched sylvia pulled her son into a tight embrace. "we all know he secretly misses you two. he just doesn't show it."

sherlock glared at john before wishing his mother a happy birthday, kissing her cheek. "i'm obligated to miss my parents." he let go of his mother.

sylvia raised a brow. "is that so?"

"i'll get the bags." sherlock excused himself, walking to the boot of the rental car.

"so, john, how has your mother been?" sylvia asked as they made their way out of the cold.

"good. she'll be cancer free for a month next week."

"that's wonderful!" she cheered. "i would love to meet her before the wedding sometime."

"i'm sure she would love that too."

sherlock came into the house with their bags, closing the door behind him, setting the worn bags down. "where's dad?" he asked his mother.

"out getting firewood." she responded. "why don't you go help him? he needs it."

sherlock nodded, giving john a chaste kiss before walking out the door again.

"would you like a cuppa?" sylvia asked john.

"that would be lovely."

the elder woman flashed a smile before heading in the direction of what john assumed was the kitchen. he toed off his shoes as he looked around the tidy cottage. family photos were hung here and there, books piled on any open space in order of size. he took off his coat, hanging it on the rack as he made his way in the direction sylvia did.

he walked into the kitchen and had a seat at the table that was cluttered with papers and a few opened books.

"don't mind the mess," sylvia said as she fixed to cups of tea, "just working on another book."

"you're an author?" john asked in amazement.

"harold and i both." she turned to the table, piling up the papers and closing the books that were open, staking them. "he collaborated with someone on his, but mine are solo."

"what do you write about?"

"math." she turned back to the counter, handing john a cup of tea as she set her own down. "this will be my third." she turned around again, coming back with sugar and honey, setting them on the table between them.

"i never knew that." john reached for the honey.

"well, with sherlock, you'll never know much about us."

john chuckled, "that is true."

"we're glad he found someone. we always feared he would end up alone."

john took a swig of his tea. "it just takes some time. he doesn't show it, but he's an amazing person."

sylvia smiled. "i'm glad to hear." she took a swig of her own tea. "how did you two meet? he's always short when we ask about you."

"a friend introduced us," john smiled at the memory of the first time he laid eyes on the ex consulting detective.

_"mike, i told you i'm not looking for anyone." john said as his mate pushed him into the living room of his flat._

_"i promised him i would introduce you to him. he seemed intrigued."_

_john stopped in his tracks. "you didn't tell him. did you?"_

_"no. i would never." mike swore. "he's right there," he pointed, "tall bloke with the cheekbones."_

_john looked at who mike was pointing at and felt his cheeks get hot. this man was way out of his league, but it didn't hurt to shoot your shot. right?_

_mike gave john a gentle push. "well go on then."_

_john made his way over to the tall man, making his way through the people mingling throughout the living room. he walked up to the man, giving him a timid smile. "hi."_

_the man looked at john, smiling back. "hello."_

_john felt his heart stop as he looked into the grey eyes of the man, noticing the freckle above his eye brow and that sly smirk on his face. he knows he's attractive and isn't ashamed of making men blush and feel like they were talking to their grad school crush._

_"i'm sherlock. sherlock holmes." he stuck his hand out._

_"john. watson." john shook his hand. "john watson, i mean." he shook his head, letting go of the large hand._

_"do you always get this nervous?"_

_"only around handsome men like yourself."_

"i bet you had no idea you would be marrying him. did you?" sylvia asked.

john shook his head. "relationships weren't my specialty. but sherlock is different."

"a good different?"

"and amazing different." john looked down at his tea. "like most, i didn't expect him to stay after i told him."

"told him what?"

john's eyes widened as he realized what he had just said. "it was just something that is normally a deal breaker."

sylvia reached across the table and held john's hands. "whatever it is, harold and i would still love and care for you the same. we may be old, but we're open minded." she gave him a smile.

john smiled. "thank you, sylvia."

"of course." she let go of john's hands. "now would you like to see baby photos?"

"of course."

sylvia got up. "follow me."

after sherlock and his father came back inside, harold said his hellos to john before going to clean himself up before they went out to celebrate sylvia's birthday. john and sherlock went upstairs after talking with sylvia a bit, sherlock complaining about showing john baby photos and john pulled him upstairs.

they walked into sherlock's room, setting their bags down by the bed. john sat on the bed as he watched sherlock get undressed.

"look what your mum gave me." john pulled a photo out of his shirt pocket, holding it up.

sherlock looked at it then snatched it from john. "you are not allowed to keep this."

"yes i am." john got up, taking the photo back from sherlock. "you're so cute!" he exclaimed as he looked at the photo of two year old sherlock dressed up as a bee.

"i am not cute." sherlock defend, reaching for the photo, but john held it behind his back.

"yes you are. my cute little detective."

sherlock's cheeks became flushed. "stop it."

"are you embarrassed?"

sherlock scowled at john.

"my little bee is flustered. that makes him even cuter."

"shut up, john."

"make me, bee."

sherlock pushed john back, causing him to fall onto the bed. he straddled the doctor, grabbing his wrists and pinning them above his head with one hand while taking the picture with the other. "i am not cute."

"i don't know about that."

"don't test me."

"i think i will."

"don't."

"my little bee. all flustered, trying to prove he's not cute."

sherlock untucked john's shirt from his jeans, pushing it up before leaning down and blowing a raspberry on his bare skin, tucking his sides.

john erupted in laughter, "stop it!" he exclaimed as sherlock continued to tickle him, blowing raspberries.

"take it back."

"no!"

sherlock stood up, holding onto john's ankle. "take. it. back."

"don't do it."

sherlock started to tickle the soul of john's foot, the most ticklish spot on him.

john tried to push sherlock off of him with his other foot, but sherlock was able to lock john's free foot in his arm pit.

"fine!" john exclaimed. "i take it back!"

sherlock stoped, staring down at his doctor with a satisfied smirk. "now i'm going to go take a shower."

john panted, shoving sherlock with his foot. "you're such a prick."

sherlock chuckled. "and you're a sore loser."

"go take your shower."

after everyone was ready, they headed out to town for a nice birthday dinner. it was a good night. sherlock wasn't a smart ass to his parents and they talked a lot about the wedding and mrs. holmes's new book. sherlock's parents offered them some money to go towards the wedding, and they denied it, but mr. holmes insisted and ended up writing a check to the two, giving it to them even if they didn't want it.

when they got home, they all said goodnight then headed to their rooms. sherlock lay in bed while he watched john get undressed then pull on a t-shirt before turning the bedroom light off and getting into bed with his fiancé. sherlock pulled john to him, giving his forehead a gentle kiss.

"i love you." sherlock said softly.

"i love you, too." john responded before pressing his face into sherlock's side.

 


End file.
